Undisputed_ How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps - Chris Jericho [46]
Rich, Bud, and I had long debated the origins of the word “cool,” and how it went from being a remark about the weather to the most used slang word in the English language. Someone had to have invented it, and we decided we would try to invent our own version of “cool” with the word “froot.” But the difference was, “froot” could mean almost anything, much like the word “aloha.”
“Man, this song is froot.” Translation: This song sounds awesome.
“That chick is froot.” Translation: She’s hot.
“Come on, guys, it’s time to get froot!” Translation: It’s time to get serious, guys!
Despite years of trying, “froot” still hasn’t lived up to its worldwide potential, but I’m hoping with the release of this fine book it will get the respect it deserves and finally sweep the nation.
Millions of Team Edward T-shirt-wearing tweeners will use it multiple times daily. “Vampires are froot!”
Movies like Be Froot, Froot Runnings, and Froot Hand Luke will be blockbuster hits.
Famous rappers like LL Froot J will rule the airwaves. Happy Days will be released on DVD with new overdubbed audio featuring the Fonz rocking his new updated catchphrase: “Cunningham, you don’t get any chicks because you’re just not froot … Ayyyyyyyyyyy!”
Jersey Shore will introduce a new Guido named the Frootuation, who will be obsessed with his daily routine of FTL-Froot, Tan, Laundry.
The whole world, no matter what race, creed, religion, or social status, will be united by froot and world peace will soon follow. Say it loud and proud with me now, friends: Froot! Froot! Froot! Froot!
CHAPTER 12
WTF
Even though we weren’t selling millions of records or revitalizing the lingua franca, we were still making headway as a band. Paul Gargano, fresh off his exploits in the New York club scene, liked Fozzy and was a longtime fan of Rich and Stuck Mojo, so he always made sure there were articles on us in Metal Edge magazine and eventually gave us a centerfold. Even though the picture was taken right after a sweaty gig and the staple was in the middle of my face, it was still a centerfold, something that thousands of bands will never get.
On the heels of this great publicity and the word of mouth our live show was getting, we were approached to endorse both Dean Markley strings and Peavey amplifiers.
It was a tremendous deal; they gave us free gear and all we had to do was say, “Fozzy uses Dean Markley and Peavey Amps” in the liner notes of our records, and once a year we had to appear at the National Association of Music Merchants convention.
NAMM is a wet dream for rock fans, as every rock star on the planet goes there to repay the companies who give them free stuff, by making appearances and doing autograph signings for an entire weekend.
It was an honor to be there, but it was a little ridiculous to be wearing wigs and dressing as knights as we signed autographs next to Jeff Waters, Dave Mustaine, and Eddie Van Halen.
Too much fucking perspective.
Musicians would walk by, staring at the long lines we had for our autograph sessions, wondering who the hell we were or why we were so popular. Some of them even questioned our intentions.
Dimebag Darrell came by to say hi to Rich, since they had gotten to know each other when Stuck Mojo toured with Pantera years before.
“Are you making fun of heavy metal?” Dime asked suspiciously.
When Rich responded that it was quite the opposite and that we were in fact paying tribute, Dime smiled and said, “I figured. I love the album, but I didn’t want to have to hate it if you were making fun of metal.”
After that, Dime was all smiles and went on to tell Rich that Pantera played Fozzy on their tour bus and really dug the way we’d updated and heavied up the classics.
Rich had a great reputation as a guitarist and as a performer, and after years of internal tension within Stuck Mojo, Fozzy was his chance to have fun playing music again. And fun it was; with our backstory and costumes we were the original Steel Panther, just not as popular.
Later that night, we had a gig in Anaheim that