Undisputed_ How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps - Chris Jericho [66]
Settle down? What was with this chick? Did she bang this guy in the bathroom when I wasn’t looking?
I got off the plane and headed straight for the men’s room to pee and calm down. I was turning over the events of the flight in my head, getting angrier by the second, when a guy in a business suit sidled up next to me, put down his leather briefcase, and unzipped his fly. He glanced at me and muttered a slurred hello.
I couldn’t believe it. It was CM Drunk.
What were the chances that (a) this asshole had chosen to take a piss right next to me and (b) he had no idea I was the guy who had gotten in his face and scolded him only minutes earlier? I smiled as he leaned his head against the wall and continued to drain himself. My flow was still going steady as I turned my hips slightly and pointed the stream directly at his briefcase. As I showered his business papers with my golden topping, my morning got a whole lot better. By the time I shook the last few drops into his now soggy suitcase, I was downright happy. His eyes were still closed as I zipped up my fly.
“Have a nice day, sir. Make sure to stay out of the rain. You wouldn’t want to get wet!” I said jauntily. He nodded groggily and muttered that he wasn’t going to get wet.
His briefcase wasn’t so lucky.
CHAPTER 19
Never Trust the Loch Ness Monster
Meanwhile back at the ranch, things had started going down the toilet for WCW. By 2001, the company was completely out of control and losing millions of dollars while the TBS brass were fed up and looking to unload the company. Eric Bischoff put together a group of investors to buy the struggling organization, but just as the deal was about to go down, Jamie Kellner, the new president at TBS, decided he didn’t want wrestling on the television schedule anymore. Without a TV deal, the company was pretty much worthless to Eric’s group and they were out of the running.
Enter Vince McMahon.
For the paltry price tag of $2.5 million, WCW was sold to the man who had been their blood enemy for the past twenty years. Included in the price were all trademarks and video rights, which gave the WWE complete ownership of every match in WCW history.
The complete bottoming out of WCW proved to me beyond all doubt that despite the trials and tribulations I’d suffered during my first year in the WWE, I’d made the right decision when I left. Vince took over the contracts of the entire WCW roster in the acquisition. Some he cut, some he sent to the developmental territories, and some he kept. His idea was to start an angle where the entire WCW roster would invade the WWE and try to take over. It was a great idea and a potential license to print money, but there was one problem.
Most of the big-name players from WCW hadn’t signed with the WWE. While Hulk Hogan, Bill Goldberg, Ric Flair, Scott Hall, Kevin Nash, Scott Steiner, and Eric Bischoff eventually came to work for Vince, they didn’t initially. The first wave of the invasion consisted of such middle of the road stars as Buff Bagwell, Bill DeMott, Chris Kanyon, Mark Jindrak, and Sean O’Haire. All nice guys, but hardly the sort of talent that could lead a credible revolution against The Undertaker, Steve Austin, and The Rock.
Vince’s initial idea was to have WCW be its own separate company that existed outside of the WWE’s walls and stood on its own. Then at the right time the two promotions would lock horns and battle each other to huge box-office returns. He planned on creating a Saturday night WCW show and had even gone so far as booking the arenas and searching for a new TV deal to broadcast it.
The whole concept fell apart during the last segment of Raw from Tacoma, Washington, a WCW title match between Booker T and Buff Bagwell, the two biggest WCW stars who’d signed with the WWE. Unfortunately, they had no idea how to work a proper WWE-style match and the result was horrendous. Ironically, Booker’s last feud in WCW was with Lance Storm, and had they wrestled that