Undisputed_ How to Become the World Champion in 1,372 Easy Steps - Chris Jericho [87]
But Rocky never missed a beat.
He popped right back onto his feet, grabbed the mic, and said, “Wait a second, wait a second, wait a second. Don’t you know that this is the part of the show where we’re supposed to shake hands, I pull you in, and then give you the Rock Bottom?”
The crowd cheered, delighted that Rock had broken the fourth wall and let them in.
“Yes, I know how it goes, but my hands are really sweaty and I slipped,” I retorted apologetically.
Rock looked at me with disgust. “You slipped?”
“Yes, I slipped, and I apologize, Rock. I forgive you for what you did to poor Ziggy and now I ask you to forgive me for my mistake. Can we just be friends again like we were in the old days?”
Rocky pondered my request as the crowd cheered him on. He surveyed the people, looked at his toes, nodded his head, and shook my hand—then pulled me in and gave me a textbook Rock Bottom to the delight of the crowd.
I came through the curtain and received a bollocking from a visibly upset Pat. “That was some of the worst shits I’ve ever seen in my life!”
I couldn’t even deny it because I was still laughing too hard.
CHAPTER 24
A Healthy Scratch
After the show, everybody was excited to blow off some steam and end the tour with a few celebratory drinks. When Pat caught wind of the evening’s plans, he vehemently protested. The previous time he’d been an agent on an overseas tour the boys had gotten so drunk the last night, that some of them missed the bus and subsequently their flight home the next morning. He was adamant that we shouldn’t go out and party. I took Pat aside and promised him as champion that I would make sure that everyone made it to the bus on time, no matter what. “This is a good crew of guys,” I said. “It’s not how it used to be back in the old days.” Pat reluctantly agreed and the bash was on.
We ended up at a bar that was essentially a big grass hut, and I expected Tugg Speedman to wander out and buy me a mai tai. We went inside and the bar was essentially divided like a snowball dance in high school: boys on one side of the crabgrass club and girls on the other. As we went to get a drink, each of us was instantly flanked by a girl.
Malaysian women are a mixture of Japanese, Filipino, Indian, and Chinese and are very exotic-looking. They also seemed to be very friendly. and soon it looked like a sping break movie from the ’80s, where every guy had an admiring female attached to his hip. I thought it was interesting how quickly it happened and figured the girls must be big fans of the WWE. But after a few words of stilted conversation, I realized that none of them knew our names or where we were from. I started surveying the area, and out of the corner of my eye I saw one of the girls talking on a cell phone. I continued my inspection and noticed a nicely dressed older lady sitting in the back of the room, also on the phone. When the girl hung up her phone, the old lady hung up hers. Another girl dialed a number on her phone and a few seconds later the old lady picked up. Then I saw two burly guys in dark suits sidle up to the old lady and whisper in her ear. The gears in my head started turning as I connected the dots of what was going down. We were in Malaysia. We had instantly been surrounded by a gaggle (fun word) of nubile young ladies, communicating with an older woman flanked by a pair of gorillas in suits.
Hmmmmm. I looked at the guys in the suits, then the old lady, then the girls, then the old lady, then the guys in suits … then it hit me.
The girls were hookers, the old lady was the madam, and the gorillas were the pimps.
We were in some sort of a brothel.
I slapped my hands to my face like the kid from Home Alone and screamed, “Ahhhh prostitutes!! Prostitutes!! Run! Run! Run!”
I started smashing drinks and shoving people out of the way like George Costanza at an inflamed children’s party, trying to get the boys the hell out of there. A mass stampede to the door ensued, like when the girls revealed themselves as vampires in From Dusk Till Dawn — except these girls