Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [131]
Incompletely or incorrectly understanding the terminology professionals favor was a common problem among parents in the working-class and poor families we observed. It is one of many elements that contribute to these parents’ tendency to defer to, or at least silently accept, the pronouncements of professionals such as teachers and health-care providers. In addition to being uncomfortable with the terms school officials and classroom teachers used, most working-class and poor parents believed it was inappropriate for them to intervene in their children’s day-to-day classroom experiences. They expected teachers to shoulder the responsibility of educating children, and they presumed that if there were problems, the school would contact them, not vice versa. Still, the deference these parents exhibit in their dealings with school representatives often includes an underlying element of hostility and resistance.
DEFERENCE: HOSTILITY IN DISGUISE?
One area in which working-class and poor parents frequently disagree with educators involves discipline, especially the advisability of physical punishment (this issue is examined in more detail in the next chapter). The emphasis schools place on verbally negotiating problems strikes many of these parents as misguided, at best. Wendy’s mother is no exception. In fall of the fifth grade, when Wendy is troubled by a male classmate, Ms. Driver (and Mr. Fallon) advises her to take matters into her own hands:
When I ask what Wendy’s new teacher is like, Debbie says, “She seems nice.” Mack says, “There is a boy pulling her hair; he sits behind her.” Debbie repeats, “Yeah, there is a boy who keeps pulling on her hair.” Debbie says, “I said, punch him.” Mack elaborates, “Yeah. Hit him when the teacher isn’t looking. That will take care of it.”12
There are deeper reasons for working-class and poor parents to mistrust the judgment of classroom teachers and school staff but not to openly challenge them. The school, as an institution, is an official representative of the state. In practical terms, that means that if school officials have any reason to suspect that a student is in any kind of danger at home, they can take steps to have that child temporarily removed from his or her family. This gives school representatives an enormous power over parents, an imbalance that, reasonably, they both deeply resent and greatly fear.
One night, after our regular visits had finished, Ms. Driver tells me that they took Wendy to the hospital because her wrist was sore.13 Ms. Driver had not thought this soreness was anything to worry about, but she felt compelled to have Wendy examined by a doctor.
Every time the school sends something home, I am worried if I don’t do something about it that they’ll report it and DHS [Department of Human Services] will come and take my kids away. So, even though I knew it was nothing, I took her to the hospital to have them tell me it was nothing. Mack amends, “To tell you it was a strain.”
Ms. Driver explains:
They send you this big card, and even though I’m her mother, I feel that the school—if you don’t do something—that they will report you. And they’ll come and take your kids away.
The hospital visit was covered by Ms. Driver’s insurance, but it was expensive and inconvenient:
It cost four hundred and ten dollars. I came home at five, and—(Mack interrupts) “We had to go get my Mom.” Debbie, explaining, says, “We had to go get his mom to watch Valerie,” and then continues, “We took her up and waited and waited and waited.” Mack recalls, “I said, ‘If it isn’t broken, then I am going to break it myself.’” Debbie repeats,