Unequal Childhoods - Annette Lareau [33]
The fact that in families like the Tallingers conflicts between activities are inevitable doesn’t necessarily reduce the tension or frustration they produce. Last-minute changes, whether in the timing of children’s events, or weather-related adjustments in school openings or closings, or hastily scheduled work meetings for either Mr. or Ms. Tallinger (or both), sometimes threaten to topple the whole architecture of the family’s master schedule. For example, on Wednesday, May 18, Garrett is told at his Intercounty soccer practice that a game has been scheduled for the coming Sunday. Neither parent is home; a high-school boy is baby-sitting. Mr. Tallinger comes home from work at 9:30, and Ms. Tallinger arrives about ten minutes later and begins preparing to take the baby-sitter home. As they all stand in the kitchen, Mr. Tallinger tells his wife the news:
Don said to Louise, “He has a game on the twenty-second.” He showed her the soccer calendar. Louise replied, “It wasn’t scheduled.” Don sounded upset. He said, “I know. It changed.” Louise walked over to the kitchen calendar hanging on the wall next to the telephone. She said, “What time is it at?” Don, without looking at the paper, said, “Four.” Louise said, “So he could make it.” Don, sounding more frustrated than I have ever heard him, said to the baby-sitter, “He has two soccer games, a baseball game, and a graduation party on the same day.” Louise said (looking at the location), “It’s too far away.”
Conflicts like these escalate the “invisible labor” parents undertake as they keep the children fed, the house organized, and the different deadlines of multiple schedules reconciled. As the number of women working outside the home continues to grow, so too does the already formidable pressure on parents, particularly mothers. Arlie Hochschild has termed the work of women in taking care of the home “the second shift.” She and others also have shown that despite increases in the amount of time men contribute to household work and child care, they still concentrate their home efforts on outdoor work (e.g., mowing the lawn, painting, or repairing the house). Mr. Tallinger was a very involved father and often played ball with the children outside. However, as in many families, when she was present, Ms. Tallinger took a leadership role in cooking, clothing, and coordinating the children’s lives. He helped her.
Women’s work at home, on the other hand, continues to be inside and deadline oriented (e.g., making meals, getting children ready for child care or school, and putting children to bed). Although researchers have documented many aspects of “invisible labor” at home, existing studies do not examine the impact of children’s activities on those who work “the second shift.” Unlike mealtimes or bedtimes, organized activities for children usually have starting and stopping times that are rigidly enforced. Parents are expected to deliver and pick up their children punctually. Safety concerns drive most of these rules and parents try very hard to comply. Over and over again, in our observations, parents showed up within a minute or two of when the activity let out. Regularly meeting those often arbitrarily set deadlines can take an emotional as well as a physical toll.
Mr. and Ms. Tallinger manage the pace of family life differently. For example, one weekday afternoon, Mr. Tallinger drives hurriedly up the driveway at 5:40 P.M. He jumps from the car, searches for his keys, opens the front door, and, almost immediately, sternly tells the boys to do their homework. When Ms. Tallinger arrives home, around 6:00 P.M., she seems more relaxed than her husband. Even when she is clearly under pressure, with multiple questions from the children and looming deadlines, Ms. Tallinger is typically less tense than