Unexpectedly, Milo - Matthew Dicks [85]
And thanks to Christine’s presence, these coping strategies became more refined and easier to employ over the years. Simply put, her presence had required him to establish a life of subterfuge and quasi independence. By setting his own schedule, he could easily find thirty minutes in a day to sing karaoke, bowl a strike, or smash a Weeble. And when new demands arouse, these were also more easily managed. For example, Milo recently found himself needing to peel off half a dozen price tags from books at Borders Books and Music, a surprisingly persistent demand that had begun after finding several books during his move with the price tags still affixed. The removal of those tags from the books he already owned had been unexpectedly satisfying, the adhesive peeling off cleanly and with relative ease, but the need to remove more tags three days later had caught Milo off guard. Initially he considered purchasing books in order to satisfy the demand but realized upon entering the store that he could simply find a section unoccupied by customers and peel off as many price tags as he wanted. During his first visit, he found himself in the religion section, relieving fourteen King James Bibles of their $119.95 price tags.
Even though he wasn’t a religious man, charging that much for Bibles seemed ludicrous to Milo. And rather than removing the tags from the store or stuffing them in a shelf, he layered them, one atop another, onto a fifteenth Bible, trying to limit his negative impact on the store.
This had taken place on a Tuesday afternoon, something that would have been impossible had he still been working at the hospital. As a result of his career shift and newfound scheduling freedom, the levels of stress and tension in Milo’s life had reduced dramatically. Living with Christine had also taught him the value of preparedness and forethought, since his ability to leave the home at any hour without explanation was impossible once he and Christine decided to cohabitate.
Most important, in living with and marrying Christine, Milo had developed a degree of control over his demands that had not existed when he was younger. A year before meeting Christine, the idea of waiting twenty-four hours or more to visit the bowling alley after the demand for a strike lit up in his mind would have been unthinkable. But being forced to put these demands off for a time, even if doing so caused their intensity to increase, had allowed Milo to build the stamina required to hold back their surge. He could now go to sleep in a hotel room in Maryland with a word like placebo still ringing in his head, knowing that the next twenty-four hours would be difficult if he found no way to relieve himself of the word, but they would not be unbearable.
Thanks to Christine, Milo was now able to drive to North Carolina without much trepidation, knowing that his preparedness, his coping strategies, and his stamina would allow him to survive.
And it was this ability to better deal with his demands that had allowed him to move out in the first place, evacuating the insulating cushion of his home and routines when the opportunity had presented itself. The Milo of three years ago would have never responded to Christine’s demands for space. Reliant on routine, comfortable in a passionless but convenient marriage, and secure in the sanctity of his secrets, Milo would have fought like a dog to remain in his home and would have likely made greater efforts to meet Christine’s needs. But as he became better able to manage the demands placed on him, his need for Christine had waned.
Perhaps, Milo thought, he had been confusing need with love. As he lay in his hotel bed under the intermittent glow of passing headlights, Milo considered this for the first time and was surprised by the resonance