Universe Twister - Keith Laumer [119]
"So you admit it!"
"But I had no intention of doing it," O'Leary amplified, struggling to force his throbbing head to function effectively. "I intended to head in the opposite direction, and—"
"And lingered a bit too long about the scene of your dastardly abduction!" the captain snarled. "Very well, fetch rope, men! His dangling corpse will serve as a warning to others!"
"Wait!" Lafayette shouted. "I give up, you're too smart for me. I'll . . . I'll talk!"
"Very well." The captain jabbed him. "Talk!"
"Well, let's see . . . where shall I begin," O'Leary stalled.
"Start with when Lou had to step into the bushes," the sergeant suggested.
"Yes, well, as soon as Lou stepped into the bushes, I, ah . . ."
"You hit him over the head, right?" a trooper contributed.
"Right. And then, er . . ."
"Then when we held up and sent a couple guys back to see what was taking Lou so long, you bopped them on the knob too, right?"
"That's it—"
"And then, while the rest of us was beating the brush for the boys which they hadn't come back, you nips in and whisks her Ladyship away from under the nose of Les, which he was holding the nags, right?"
"Who's telling this, you or me?" O'Leary inquired tartly.
"So where is she now?"
"How do I know? I was busy hitting Lou over the head and whisking around under Les's nose, remember?"
"How come you know the boys' names? You been casing this job a long time, hey?"
"Never mind that, Quackwell," the captain barked. "We're wasting time. The lady's whereabouts, you, or I'll stretch your neck i' the instant!"
"She's—she's at the hunting lodge of Lorenzo the Lanky!"
"Lorenzo the Lanky? And where might this lodge be found?"
"It's, er, right up this trail a few miles."
"Liar," the officer barked. "This road leads nowhere save to the château of milady's Aunt Prussic!"
"Are you sure of that?" Lafayette shot back.
"Certainly. Milady herself so informed me."
"Well, your intelligence apparatus needs overhauling," Lafayette snapped. "It's the talk of the locker rooms that Lorenzo the Lanky lives up this way. Or maybe Lochinvar—or is it Lothario? . . ."
"I fail to grasp the import of your slimy innuendos, varlet," the captain said in a deadly tone. "Wouldst have me believe that milady deliberately misled me? That she in fact had arranged some clandestine rendezvous with this Lorenzo, here in the depths of the Chantspels?"
"It wouldn't be very clandestine, with a dozen pony soldiers hanging around," O'Leary pointed out.
"You mean—you think she ditched us on purpose?" The N.C.O. scowled ferociously.
"Use your heads," Lafayette said. "If I'd taken her, do you think I'd leave her and come nosing back around here, just so you could catch me?"
"Enough of your vile implications, knave!" the captain barked. "Stand back, men! I'll deal with this blackguard!"
"Hey, hold it, Cap," the sergeant said, tugging at his forelock. "Begging the captain's pardon, but what the guy says makes sense. It was her Ladyship that said we ought to go back and look for Whitey and Fred, right?"
"Yeah, and also, come to think about it, I never heard before about her having no aunt living out in the boondocks," a trooper added.
"Preposterous," the captain said in a tone lacking in conviction. "Her Ladyship would never thus cozen me, her faithful liegeman, in such fashion!"
"I dunno, Cap. Dames. Who knows from dames, what they might do?"
"Mind your tongue!" The captain yanked at his tunic with a decisive gesture. "I'll soil my ears with no more of the knave's preposterous inventions. On with the hanging!"
"Now, don't be hasty, fellows," O'Leary yelled. "I'm telling you the truth! Lady Andragorre is probably just a few miles ahead; we ought to be galloping to overtake her instead of standing around here arguing!"
"He seeks to mislead us!" the captain snapped. "Doubtless milady lies trussed where he left her, mere yards from this spot!"
"He's out of his skull!" Lafayette protested. "He's afraid to go after her! This is just an excuse to muddy the waters and turn back!"
"Enough! Prepare the criminal for execution!"