Universe Twister - Keith Laumer [212]
"Certainly. We're old friends. In fact, I was engaged to her once; but I realized in the nick of time that it was really Daphne I was in love with—"
"You—engaged to a princess?" Lom was looking highly skeptical.
"Sure—why not?"
Lom's mouth tightened. "Mr. O'Leary—this is hardly the time for leg-pulling. After all, if we've joined forces—"
"Who says we've joined forces? I let you come along for the ride, that's all, Lom. I still have no reason to trust you. In fact, I think this is where our paths should part. You go your way and I'll go mine."
"You promised to introduce me to your, ah, influential friends," Lom said quickly.
"Oh, no, I didn't." O'Leary shook his head. "That was your idea."
"See here, O'Leary—or Zorro—or whatever your name might be," Lom said testily. "I can be of help to you; suppose you have difficulty in gaining entrance to the palace—"
"Don't worry about that; I'll manage."
"Then you intend to—to repay my efforts on your behalf by abandoning me here?"
"Why put it like that? I'll tell you what, Lom: if everything goes well, I'll look you up afterward, and see what I can do for you, all right?"
"I want to do something—something positive, to demonstrate my usefulness. Now, if I go with you to the palace—"
"Out of the question. I might be able to talk myself inside, but you . . . well, candidly, Lom, you don't look particularly impressive, you know, in those tattered clothes and needing a haircut."
"Surely there's something I can do?"
"Well—all right, if you insist. Go find the Red Bull. Bring him to the palace. No, on second thought, make it the Axe and Dragon. If I flunk out at the palace, I'll meet you there. And if I make it—I'll send for you. OK?"
"Well . . . I'll do my best. The Red Bull, you say?"
"Sure. Ask around. Any pickpocket in town can help you. Now I've got to be off." Lafayette rose, paid for their breakfast with the lone silver dollar he had found in Zorro's pocket, and set off at a purposeful stride toward the palace.
3
The brass-helmeted guard, resplendent in baggy blue knee pants and a yellow-and-blue striped coat, gave O'Leary a lazy up-and-down look.
"Get hence, Jack, before I run you in for loitering," he suggested curtly.
"I'm here on business," Lafayette said. "I have important news for Princess Adoranne."
"Oh yeah?" The man shifted his harquebus casually. "What about?"
"Classified," O'Leary said. "Look here, we're wasting time. Just pass my request along to the sergeant of the guard."
"Oh, a wise one, eh?" the sentry growled. "Beat it, Greaser, while you still got the chanst."
"Like that, huh?" Lafayette said. He cupped his hands to his mouth:
"Sergeant of the Guard, post number one—on the double!"
"Why, you—"
"Ah-ah—don't do anything rash," O'Leary cautioned as the enraged man raised his bell-mouthed gun. "Witnesses, remember?"
"All right, what's this all about?" a short, plump noncom with a handlebar mustache swaggered into view. He halted, looked Lafayette up and down. His face turned an alarming shade of purple.
"Shorty!" Lafayette cried. "Am I glad to see you!"
"Grab that bum!" the sergeant roared. "That's the lousy punk that clobbered three o' my boys here Monday a week!"
4
It was difficult, Lafayette conceded, to keep his voice cool, calm, and reasonable with three large men clamping his arms in pretzel-like positions behind his back, while dragging him across the cobbled courtyard. Still, it was no time to give way to intemperate language.
"If you'd just—ow!—listen to what I have to say—ouch!—I'm sure you'll agree that what I have to report—unh!—is worth listening to."
"Yeah? Give him another quarter turn, LaVerne!"
"Shorty—at least give me a hearing—"
"That's Sergeant to you, crum-bum!" the five-foot-three harquebusier bellowed. "You can tell it to the judge—next month, when he gets back from his vacation!"
"I can't wait a month! It's an emergency!"
"If he says anything else, LaVerne—stick a bandanna in his mouth. The one you use to mop off the back o' your neck on hot afternoons!"
They passed