Universe Twister - Keith Laumer [48]
"Duh Phantom Highwayman!" the newcomer squeaked. "Thay, am I glad to thee you! I wanted to thay thanks fer handing the copperth a bum thteer the other night. I don't know how youse thwung it, but they didn't theem to know me from Adam'th off okth."
"Oh, it's the Red Bull," O'Leary said cautiously. "Ah, glad to help out. Well, I have to run along now."
"I hear you're duh one dat thnatched duh princeth. Ith dat tuh thtraight goodth?"
"What, you, too? I had nothing to do with it! I've got an idea this fellow Lod is the guilty party. Maybe you can tell me: exactly where are his headquarters?"
"Youse can level wit' me, bo. I got contacth; we'll work togedduh and thplit duh take."
"Forget it. Now about Lod's hideout—"
"I get it. Youse figger to thell her Highneth to duh Big Boy. What youse figger theyee'll bring?"
"Listen to me, you, you numbskull!" O'Leary shook a fist under the flattened nose. "I'm not involved in the kidnapping! I'm not selling her to anybody! And I'm not interested in any shady deals."
The Red Bull's thick finger prodded O'Leary's chest. "Oh, thtingy, huh? Well, lithen to me, bo—what'th duh idea of working my thection of town, anyway? You thtick to yer highwayth, and leave duh thity to me, thee? And I'm cutting mythelf in on duh thnatch caper, thee? And—"
"There ithn't any thnatch caper—oh, for heavy's sake stop lisping! You've got me doing it!"
"Huh? Look, bo . . ." the Red Bull's voice dropped abruptly to its accustomed bass. "Yuh split wit' me or I cave in yer mush—and den call copper fer duh reward an' a free pardon."
O'Leary slapped the prodding finger aside. "Tell me where Lod's hideout is, you dimwit, and stop babbling about—"
A large hand gathered in the front of O'Leary's new jacket, lifted him to his toes.
"Who yuh calling a dimwit, bo? I got as good a mind as duh next gazebo."
"I happen to be the next gazebo," O'Leary said in a voice somewhat choked by the pressure at his throat. "And I'm an idiot for standing here chinning with you while there's work to be done." He brought up a hand and chopped down in a side-of-the-palm blow at the base of the Red Bull's thick neck. The grasp on his shirt relaxed as O'Leary delivered a second hearty stroke across the big man's throat that sent him stumbling back. The Red Bull shook his head, roared, started for O'Leary with apelike arms outstretched, and met a kick in the pit of the stomach that doubled him over with a grunt in time to intercept a hard knee coming up to meet his already blunted features. He stumbled aside, one hand on his stomach and the other grasping his bleeding nose.
"Hey, dat's no fair!" he stated. "I never seen duh udder two guys!"
"Sorry. That was in Lesson Three, Unarmed Counterattack. Worked quite well. Now, tell me where I can find Lod. And hurry up—this is important!"
"Lod, huh?" The Red Bull looked disapprovingly at the blood on his hand and moved his head gingerly, testing his neck. "What kind of a split yuh got in mind?"
"No split! I just want to rescue her Highness!"
"How about forty-sixty, and I t'row in a couple o' reliable boys to side yer play wit' Lod?"
"Forget it! I'll ask somebody else." O'Leary straightened his jacket, rubbed the bruised side of his hand, gave the Red Bull a disgusted look and started off up the alley.
"Hey!" The Red Bull trotted to his side. "I got a idea! We split thoidy-seventy; what could be more gennulmanly dan dat?"
"You amaze me; I didn't know you knew that much arithmetic."
"I taken a night course in business math. How about it?"
"No! Get lost! I have things to do! I'm conspicuous enough without Gargantua padding along at my heels!"
"I'll settle for a lousy ten percent, on account of you got such a neat left hand, and duh knee work was nice, too."
"Go away! Depart! Dangle! Be missing! Get hence! Avaunt thee, varlet! No deal!" A small man probing hopefully in a sodden garbage bin gave O'Leary a look as the two passed.
"You're attracting attention!" O'Leary halted. "Listen, I give in. You're just too smart for