Universe Twister - Keith Laumer [94]
"Breakfast, hah?" it growled. "That calls for some explanation, bub!"
"Alain!" Lafayette cried. "You, too?"
"Whattya mean, me too!"
"I mean, I thought I was the only one—Adoranne and I, that is—of course I didn't realize until just now that she—I mean that you—"
"Two-timing me again, hey!" A long, muscular arm that went with the unshaven face made a grab for the girl, missed as she jumped aside and grabbed up a frying pan.
"Lay a hand on me, you big ape, and I'll scramble that grease spot you use for a brain," she screeched.
"Now, now, easy, Adoranne," Lafayette soothed. "This is no time for a lovers' spat—"
"Lovers! Ha! If you knew what I'd been through with that slob—" She broke off as the subject of the discourse slammed through the swinging door from the kitchen. She skipped aside from his lunge, brought up the iron skillet, and slammed it, with a meaty thud, against the side of his uncombed head. He took two rubbery steps and sagged against the counter, his face six inches from Lafayette's.
"What'll it be, sport?" he murmured, and slid down out of view with a prodigious clatter. The girl tossed the makeshift weapon aside and favored Lafayette with an irate look.
"What's the idea getting him all upset?" she demanded. She frowned, looking him up and down. "Anyway, I don't remember you, Sol. Who are you? I'll bet I never two-timed him with you at all!"
"Surely you'd remember?" Lafayette gulped. "I mean—what's happened? How did you and Alain get into this pig sty? Where's the palace? And Daphne—have you seen Daphne?"
"Daffy? There's a bum with a couple screws missing goes by that name, comes in here sometimes to cadge drinks. I ain't seen him in a couple weeks—"
"Not daffy, Daphne. She's a girl—my wife, to be exact. She's small—but not too small, you understand—nice figure, cute face, dark, curly hair—"
"I'll go fer that," a deep voice said blurrily from the floor. "Just wait till I figure out which way this deck is slanting—"
The girl put her foot in Hulk's face and pushed. "Sleep it off, ya bum," she muttered. She gave Lafayette an arch look and patted her back hair. "This dame got anything I ain't?" she inquired coolly.
"Adoranne! I'm talking about Daphne—the countess—my wife!"
"Oh, yeah, the countess. Well, to tell you the truth, Clyde, we don't see a lot o' the countess these days. We're too busy counting our pearls, you know how it is. Now, if you got no objection, I got some garbage to drag out back."
"Let me help you," Lafayette volunteered quickly.
"Skip it. I can handle him."
"Is he all right?" Lafayette rose and leaned across the counter to look down at the fallen chef.
"Hulk? You couldn't bust his skull with a horseshoe, even if the horse was still wearing it." She grabbed his heels and started backward through the swinging door.
"Adoranne—wait—listen to me—" Lafayette called, scrambling around the counter.
"I told you—Swinehild's the name. What's this Adder Ann jazz all about?"
"You really don't remember?" Lafayette stared at the familiar, beautiful face, so unfamiliarly smeared with soot and grease.
"I'm leveling with you, bub. Now, if you're done clowning, how's about clearing out of here so's I can close the joint up?"
"Isn't it a little early?"
Swinehild cocked an eyebrow. "You got other ideas in mind?"
"I have to talk to you!" Lafayette said desperately.
"It'll cost you," Swinehild said flatly.
"H-how much?"
"By the hour, or all night?"
"Well, it won't take but a few minutes to explain matters," Lafayette said eagerly. "Now, to begin with—"
"Wait a minute." The girl dropped Hulk's heels. "I got to slip into my working clothes."
"You're fine just as you are," Lafayette said hastily. "Now, as I was saying—"
"Are you trying to tell me my business, stranger?"
"No—that is, I'm not a stranger! We've known each other for years! Don't you remember the first time we met, at the ball King Goruble decreed to celebrate my agreeing to take on a little chore of dragon-slaying? You were wearing a blue dress with little bitty pearls on it, and you had a tiger cub on