Up & Out - Ariella Papa [101]
A more immature woman would have baked a laxative brownie for her ex’s new interest. Not me. I steer Tommy away from having beer and suggest blood-orange bellinis for cocktails. I got the recipe from Babbo and I know it’s an impressive showstopper. You see how accepting and kind I can be?
Tommy is giddy about his dinner date. He gets up at like seven before going to man the children. He comes back during their soccer camp and that’s when we whip up the feast.
Then he is back out to get the kids. I plan on leaving way before he gets home. I don’t think I can stand to see him primping for someone else. And I certainly don’t want to be here when Nanny Nancy comes over.
I shower and put on one of my new shirts. My old black capris actually fit. I love running. My cell phone rings and it’s Janice. I glance at the clock—I don’t have long to talk, but it’s been a while.
“What’s up?”
“Rebecca…” She starts giggling. “Oh, my God, I’m going to hell.”
“What?”
“It’s awful, really.” I hear her trying to compose herself. “I mean, I shouldn’t be happy about this, but I can’t help it. And nobody’s dead.”
“Janice, what are you talking about? Are you drunk?”
“A little. We all went out for drinks. We’re in Jersey. I just came outside to call you.”
“Oh, I think Jen mentioned you guys had an off-site meeting.”
“Yeah, like the fifth one we’ve had to keep morale up. God, in my next life I want to come back and work in Human Resources.”
“Okay. So what happened?” So much for not being interested.
“Well, we were having all these trust exercises. And you know, how are we supposed to trust anyone when they just fired a bunch of people?”
“They did?”
“Yeah,” she says matter-of-factly. “Promos. Completely gone. Of course they don’t say fired, they say repurposed.”
“Is that the new buzzword?”
“Yeah, so we have this exercise where we get up on this ladder and sort of fall back. And everyone in the team, there’re like eight people per team, is supposed to catch the falling person. Oh, my God, this is awful, but at least no one is dead.”
“Okay, who isn’t dead?”
“Well, Rebecca, basically, no one caught Delores.” Then she cracks up again.
“Wait, so what happened?” Janice can’t seem to pull it together this time. She is cracking up and keeps taking little breaths and saying “hell.” “What happened?” I ask again.
“I guess everyone expected that someone else would catch her, so it wouldn’t be a big deal if they didn’t.”
“But no one did?”
“No.”
“Oh, my God. I think I’m going to hell, too.” We crack up for at least three minutes. Every time I start to compose myself, I imagine everyone just standing there with their arms at their sides and I can’t stop laughing.
I get a beep on my phone, but I ignore it.
“Someone said they heard the paramedics saying full body cast…” Janice explains.
“Oh, no,” I say. I stop laughing. “That is really too bad. I mean, that’s awful.”
“Yeah, but she’s not dead,” Janice reasons. “It could be a lot worse. She fell on grass. It could have been cement.”
“You’re right. No one’s dead.” We laugh again. “We are awful.”
“Well, don’t feel too bad for her. John thinks there is probably some way she could sue. Most likely there was supposed to be a height requirement that they overlooked.”
“Oh, my God, because she’s only four-four.” We laugh for a while more. I know this is really an awful thing, but I also believe strongly in karma and fate and I feel like for the first time in a while the universe is on my side.
Janice and I promise to hang out soon. She jokes that we can go to visiting hours. I tell her how well I have been running and I will definitely do the Labor Day 10-K.
I want to be out of the house as soon as possible. I don’t want to see the beginning of the date. I get a pedicure. Since it’s a summer Friday, and most everyone has already gone to their summer places, there isn’t much of a wait. I arrive at Nobu early. I tell the lovely hostess that I will be a party of four, but no one else is here, so I wait at the bar.
I get a message on my cell from Lauryn. She must have left it while