Up & Out - Ariella Papa [110]
Not since my almost-gone party have I hung out with so many people at once and I feel like I can’t understand anyone. I feel pulled in different directions and buzzed. Now we are here and it’s okay, but I am still tense. Without having a job, how am I ever going to connect with anyone again?
When the food comes, I feel better immediately. This is what I love about food—the moment when it is about to be set down in front of you. The server smiles like a loving parent. Still his work isn’t done, you might want fresh pepper, you might want cheese. It would be the best meal or it could be the worst, you breathe in and you don’t know what to expect, but your senses are ready. I take a bite of tuna, peppered and fragrant, and close my eyes. The food is decent, certainly not the best ever, but it distracts me and comforts me and relaxes me.
When I open my eyes everyone is finally quiet and eating their appetizers. Even Beth is picking at her salad. We are brought together in this simple ritual. This is why I love this city, these restaurants, this social activity.
The silence lasts until people start offering up bites. I look across the table at Beth, who holds up her fork to me.
“Go ahead,” she says, and I hold out my bread plate for her to put a piece of beet with goat cheese. I offer her mine, but she shakes her head and smiles. The volume of the table rises again and then Jessica suggests we make a toast. She toasts Kathy for being the most stylish woman in the office and the person “who is able to deal with Stan’s shit in the most efficient way.” I have no idea who Stan is, but all the work people laugh, so I smile.
“But seriously, Kathy is a wonderful person. She makes work as fun as it can be. She is going to make Ron so happy. We are going to miss her on her honeymoon. We wish you the best. Congratulations.” We clink glasses. Brandy (not Brooke) wipes a tear. These people are her friends in the same way Janice, John and Jen were mine. And I know I’m drunk then, because I miss those guys and how much fun work could be sometimes when we were together. It’s a gift to like the people you work with. I can’t imagine that where I work next will be as good.
The waiter clears the plates and brings everyone their dinner. I know we are all getting drunk. Every few minutes someone else offers a toast—someone besides the three of us. I don’t feel stable enough to say anything.
I look at Lauryn. She is still talking to Jill. Beth hasn’t said a word, she just keeps picking up her glass robotically and drinking more wine. It’s just past twelve. I am sure we are going to get dessert and then there will be more drinking somewhere else. I can’t not go to that. If Beth showed up, I can’t just bail. That would make me the worst friend. I am not going to see Ben tonight. It’s got to be for the best. I just keep thinking about how his eyes lit up in his teasing way.
“That’s a big wedding,” Jessica says to Kathy.
“How many?” Hope asks.
“Two hundred and fifty-seven invited,” Kathy says, slurring. Her veil is starting to come off. I never knew how many people were going to her wedding.
“That’s so many,” Jill says. I have a feeling they have sat around their office ironing out all the details of Kathy’s nuptials. All of us complained about dresses and happily let any talk of wedding favors drop whenever we could.
“My sister has to invite everyone,” Dina says. The copious amounts of liquor haven’t driven the bug from out of her ass.
“Who are you having?” Lauryn asks.
“I don’t know, lots of people,” Kathy says, her eyes almost rolling around her head. Then they settle on me. “Tommy.”
“You’re inviting Tommy to your wedding?” I ask, confused. “Or you’re inviting me with guest?”
“Ron and Tommy are friends,” Beth says, finally deciding to contribute to the conversation. I don’t think it’s the right place to bring up all the times I pleaded with Tommy to do stuff with Kathy and Ron when they first started dating. I don’t see how he can be invited.
“Ron really likes Tommy,” Kathy says. She is having