Up & Out - Ariella Papa [117]
“Brides get self-centered as it gets closer to the wedding,” Lauryn says. She has another couple of weeks before she moves to Boston and starts school. She has been having a lot of sex with the coed we met at the bar. It’s more fulfilling now because he’s looking her in the eye, she says.
“I just wish it would be more evenly dispensed,” I say, about my status as a wedding slave.
“Well, Beth is MIA, and would you want to deal with Kathy’s sister?”
“You’ve got a point.”
“I object to having to dye my shoes, I have to admit,” Lauryn says.
“We are never going to wear the dresses again, and now we have to ruin a perfectly good pair of shoes with a color that doesn’t exist in nature.”
“Did somebody say ‘waste of time and money’?”
“I did,” I say, laughing. “I also said nothing on the registry for under sixty bucks.”
“Yeah, I snatched up the last thing under, which was fifty-dollar swizzle sticks. A set of six.”
“You better make damn sure that they feed you mixed drinks when you go over there.”
“I intend to.”
Jordan was not invited to Kathy’s wedding, but Lauryn told me that she agreed to have coffee with him again when she comes down for the wedding.
Tommy eventually asked me if I’d mind if he took Nancy to the wedding. It was one of the rare times we were alone in our apartment together. I was kind of surprised that he was around without Nancy and wondered if the only reason was to ask me this question. I know the answer he wanted to hear was no, but I was so surprised by the question that I just kind of shrugged.
“I won’t if you don’t want me to,” he said. I know I have no legitimate reason to stop him. Why should he have a bad time? On the other hand, why does he have to bring her around our friends? “I just expected you were going to bring that guy.”
“Ben,” I said angrily. “Can you at least remember his name?”
“Yeah, Ben. Aren’t you going to bring him?”
“I don’t know yet.” I really liked Ben and knew I should bring him, but I worried that he was going to be bored with me performing all my bridesmaid duties (and there were already a ton I had to do). I know it was wrong and selfish, but why was Tommy allowed to have fun with Nanny Nancy when I was going to be forced to prance around in uncomfortable dyed shoes catering to Kathy’s weird belle-of-the-ball fantasies?
“Well, let me know when you decide,” he said. He stared at me for a minute and then turned and left the apartment.
I knew I was acting foolish, but I couldn’t help it. Once again, it seemed like I had no idea how to be broken up with Tommy. Even though I was so happy with Ben, I guess I couldn’t help being upset that Tommy didn’t care as much about me. It was scary to think that after all the drama and the back and forth, we were getting to a place where we were finally going to have to let go. This guy shaped so much of my adult life, and now he just wasn’t going to be there. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t want to get back with him, that’s for sure. I just didn’t know if I wanted him not to want to get back with me.
Tonight, after my talk with Tommy, I talked to Ben about it over a beer at the bar. They have finally decided on a name for the pub. It’s to be called Knuckle Sandwich. The bar staff gets a huge kick out of this name and say it whenever possible.
I always hesitate about bringing up Tommy to Ben. I don’t want to make Tommy out to be an asshole and I don’t want to make Ben jealous. As usual, Ben listens to me very carefully before answering me.
“The way I see it, Rebecca, you just have to negotiate your new relationship with Tommy. I know that’s not easy, but he’s a big part of your life, it seems.” He takes a sip of his beer and then leans over and kisses me. “I bet he feels the same way you do. Maybe you should address that. I think you want to keep him in your life. I certainly want to meet him.”
“You’re neat,” I say. Every time I see Ben I like him more. “I think it’s terrific that you can talk about this with me without being jealous.”
“How can I be jealous,” he