Up & Out - Ariella Papa [69]
I know he’s got a point. If I want this to be over I can’t expect him to be my backup date. I keep wishing I could be one of those people who just cuts off their exes, but I can’t. I would like to tell myself that the only reason I’m here is financial, but as fucked up as our relationship can be, Tommy is the only one of my friends that I still feel I can truly relate to. I go and wait outside the bathroom for him.
“Jesus,” he says, when he comes out. “Give a brother a break. Did you make any dinner?”
“Oh, I’m good for cooking, but not dinners out?”
“You’re good for a lot of things,” he says, raising his eyebrows. He’s not really flirting with me, just teasing.
“All right, a hand job.” I call his bluff. He isn’t ready to deal with certain aspects of our relationship, either.
“What is with you girls?” he asks, shaking his head and pulling a block of cheese out of the fridge.
“What do you mean?” I know I’m defensive and I’m not sure I want to hear what he is going to say.
“Do you ever, like, just chill anymore?” I hate to be analyzed, especially by the likes of Tommy.
“What do you mean?”
“Okay, calm down.” He cuts a hunk of cheese. “You never hang out anymore, you know, you girls.”
“Did Beth say something?”
“No.” He finally looks annoyed. “She hasn’t really talked to me lately. It just seems like there is something funky going on.”
“Well—” I take a piece of cheese “—Lauryn’s gone and we went through all this weirdness with her last year and now it’s almost like we sort of turned kind of catty about her problems. Not like, you know, malicious, but she gave us a lot to talk about. Now she’s gone and I don’t know what we have in common anymore. Any of us. I mean, I still really like hanging out with them, but there’s all this stuff that goes with it. I’m not sure if we hang because we feel like we owe one another or because we still want to find the good times we used to have. I think when we made the switch from all-night ragers in bars to calm little dinners in restaurants, we lost something.”
“I know what you mean,” he says. “I’ve been wondering lately what Jordan and I actually talk about. It’s like he’s always trying to impress me, but there’s nothing beneath the surface. It’s like he studies me to try to figure out who he should be, what he should like to do.”
I nod. I haven’t let myself articulate anything like that before and I’m glad to hear that Tommy has had these confusing feelings, too.
“Do you think Beth is okay?” I ask, and he shrugs.
“Do you think Jordan is?” he asks, and I shrug.
“How much do we get involved? And how shitty of a thing is that to ask?”
“I don’t know, but I wonder about the same kinds of things.”
“Will you please come with me to dinner? It’s only thirty bucks! I know your sister doesn’t want to go and I know I don’t want to be the lone witness to what is Kathy and Ron’s relationship.”
“Fine,” he says. “Just don’t sign me up for anything else.”
The restaurant is in SoHo. Osteria del something. I block it out as soon as the hostess insists on checking my light summer jacket.
“Your party has already checked in. They’re up having drinks.” We climb up a circular staircase to a bar area that looks down on the diners. The restaurant is dim with lots of dark curtains and high-backed chairs. I see Ron looking down at everyone with a smug expression. This is his kind of place. Kathy is talking to him, but he doesn’t really seem to be paying attention.
“Hey, guys,” Tommy says, and Kathy turns as soon as she hears him.
“Hello, you two. Isn’t this nice?” She pulls the both of us into a big hug and kisses us.
“Why don’t you get a drink?” Ron suggests, then summons over the waiter.
“I could just wait until we have dinner,” Tommy says, but the waiter is already there. “Okay what do you have for beer?”
“Peroni and Morretti,” the waiter says.
“No Bud Lite at this place,” Tommy comments.
“They have terrific bellinis,” Kathy says. Maybe she noticed me rolling