Up & Out - Ariella Papa [72]
Some days I miss Esme so much. It’s hard to think that something that was once in your head—such a big part of you—is now a part of some corporation. I think about the way she looked when she discovered why her neighbor’s cat was getting sick or how she solved the mystery of where the school flag was. These were simple stories, but I made them and I fear for what is in store for her.
Maybe what I lack is a routine, so I start to make dinner for Tommy and me every night. I still want to eat well, even though I can’t afford to go out to a restaurant. I prepare very light things because it’s summer, orzo feta salad, steamers, grilled mixed seafood. I start walking down to Union Square every other day when the farmer’s market is there to buy fresh produce, artisan breads, seafood and cheese. Every Friday I buy fresh flowers.
Tommy appreciates my efforts, but I feel him trying to maintain a bit of distance sometimes and I totally understand that. He is as confused about what to do as I am.
I meet Janice out for lunch. It’s been almost three weeks since I’ve seen her. She’s called me pretty much every day with whispered updates on the fate of my sweet little Esme, but I finally agreed to meet her in person. I have a little anxiety about it because I’ve been spending so much time alone. And then there’s the lunch bill to worry about.
We go to Baluchi’s for some Indian food. Janice is studying me and I’m not sure why. Since I haven’t been up on things too much, I wonder what I’m going to talk about. Not having a job makes me feel like less of a functioning member of society, but it’s okay, because after Janice inquires as to how I am, she has plenty to say.
“Jen is taking it really hard.”
“She’s so young,” I say. It’s not unusual to get so disillusioned on your first job out of college.
“She wore a black lace doily on her head for the whole first week you were gone.” I laugh.
Our meals come, chicken tikka masala for her and chana saag for me.
“She can get away with it,” I say.
“Yeah, but it’s got to be embarrassing for Hackett. I would hate to be at that table for Thanksgiving.” She hesitates. “Do you mind talking about this?”
“No, not at all. I guess I’m curious.”
“No one is even looking at Delores. Apparently Cheryl from Programming went on and on about how creative you were in War Room.”
“Really? I never thought she liked me.”
“I don’t know if she did or if it was some kind of tactic against Delores.”
“Jeez, the politics!”
“Everyone misses you. We want to take you out for drinks for a proper goodbye. Are you ready to see everyone?”
“Sure, I mean I don’t think I have anything to be ashamed of. Do I?”
“No, you’re innocent.” She laughs. “Do you want to go out next week? I’ve been elected to organize it.”
“Sounds good to me.” I am curious about one other thing. “How are things with you and John?”
“Well,” she smiles. I guess she’s realized it’s finally okay to come clean with me. “Great, actually. We’re thinking of moving in together.”
“Wow! That’s big.”
“You lived with your boyfriend, right?”
“Yeah, that’s what did us in.” All the while we worked together, I never really talked to her about Tommy.
“But you still live with him, don’t you?” She looks confused, and I realize how weird it must be if you don’t know the whole history.
“Um, yeah, that is sort of a financial thing.” She rolls her eyes. I appreciate that we are close enough now to rib each other.
“Do you still…?” she asks, leaving the end hanging.
“No, not for a while.” It’s true! It’s been like over four months since we had sex.
“Do you want to?”
“God knows.” I shake my head. “Things can be so complicated. We are such good friends. There’s a lot between us, you know. Baggage.” She nods, and I realize how weird