Up & Out - Ariella Papa [79]
“Do you want me to come over there?”
“No, no. I don’t know.”
“What’s going on? Is it the wedding?”
“It’s everything. There are too many choices.”
“What do you mean? Like favors?” I am so clueless.
“Nooo!” she sobs. “Everything. I can’t stand waking up in the morning. I feel so weird. It’s not my period. It’s everything. I wish it was fifty years ago and I could just not have to decide. My mother thinks I need counseling.”
“How long has this been going on?”
“For a couple of months.”
“Months, wow. Why didn’t you say something?”
“I don’t know, I can’t understand it. It’s supposed to be the happiest time of my life.” Although I want to help Kathy, I just can’t get into this whole mind-set. Maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m engaged, but honestly, where my great-aunt Phyllis should sit is not something that turns me on.
“Well, is Ron helping you plan the wedding?”
“Sort of, he’s trying. It’s not just that. It’s everything. I’m up for this big promotion at work and they want me to get my MBA and there is so much. You know? So much.” She sniffles, and then starts crying again.
“Kathy, you sound overwhelmed.” I’m treading carefully, because I don’t want to seem anything less than supportive about any of it. “Maybe you are trying to do too much, you know, with the wedding, work, everything.”
“Oh, I shouldn’t have called you.” Great, I’ve done it, I’ll be X’d off the bridesmaid list before I even get to check out the ushers. “You’ve got your own problems.”
“Oh, those,” I say, not bothering to censor myself. “I’m fine, really.”
“Everyone has their own life. We never even see each other anymore.”
She kind of has a point. “That doesn’t mean we aren’t here for each other. It doesn’t mean we’re not excited, you know, about the wedding. It’s just that no one knew you were feeling this way.”
“Because, we don’t, you know, hang out.” She appears to have stopped crying, but her voice is teetering on hysterics. I am not sure I’m equipped to deal with this. Maybe I should call in the big guns, Lauryn and Beth. And I realize as I think that, that I’m not sure the big guns would call back.
“You’ve got to take it easy.”
“I don’t think I know how anymore. All Ron talks about is buying a house. My job is putting so much pressure on me. My mother thinks this is her wedding. My sister is on kid number two and acts like I’m a prima donna.”
“Well, you just got to get rid.”
“What?” She laughs for the first time. “Get rid of what?”
“I don’t know. It’s just something to say.” I don’t want to lose the laughter. “Maybe get rid of all the shit.”
“No one responded to my sister about the bachelorette party. And now she is being induced next week. Dina acts like my wedding is the reason her water won’t break or whatever the hell is supposed to happen.”
“Shit!” I forgot all about the e-mail. “She sent the e-mail the day I got shitcanned and I never wrote back. I’m sorry.”
“No,” she sighs. “At least you had a reason. Lauryn and Beth didn’t respond, either—neither did my college roommate. I don’t want you to think this is just about that. It’s everything. Sometimes, I don’t want to get out of the shower because it means I’ll have to stop crying.”
“Boy. There’s a lot going on.”
“I know. I feel so abnormal.”
“You’re going to have a great wedding and a great career.” She laughs. “And a wonderful, happy life.”
“Thank you, Rebecca. Thanks. I just feel so, I don’t know. I’m not even twenty-eight and I feel so old.”
“I’m sure you’re not the only one. I bet a lot of people feel this way before their wedding. Just because you’re getting married doesn’t mean your whole life stops. It seems like it’s a lot of pressure.” This is still tricky, her guard is down, but criticizing the wedding can still be construed as blasphemous.
“I know you’re right. I wish we could just elope.”
“Are you kidding? After I tried on a rainbow of fucking dresses all over the tristate area?” She laughs really hard, the kind of laugh you have when you could start crying any minute. “Oh, I see, it was just for your amusement. I hope you think about