Vampire Mine - Kerrelyn Sparks [30]
She shook her head. “It was not my place to make that sort of judgment. But I have witnessed enough life stories to recognize the huge difference between a person who chooses evil because he revels in it, or the person who struggles against an evil that has been thrust upon him.”
She leaned forward on her elbows, watching him intently. “I may appear innocent in some ways—well, I suppose I am.” Her cheeks turned a light shade of pink. “But when it comes to good versus evil, I have millennia of experience. I know evil when I see it. So do you want to know what disgusts me?”
He stepped back, reluctant to hear her answer. “Evil, I suppose.”
“There’s no evil here.”
He blinked. What was she saying?
She frowned at him. “I’m disgusted by your failure to defend yourself.”
What the hell? “I was ready to defend myself in battle with Darafer.”
“I’m not talking about a physical battle. I accused you of sorely abusing me, and you took it! How could you?”
“I’m a vampire, Marielle. A Cheater. A parasite. I had no right to touch you. And doona tell me otherwise. I saw yer reaction when ye realized the truth. I saw the horror on yer face, the tear that rolled down yer cheek.”
“I was shocked, that is true. But it only took me a few minutes to realize you had to be one of the good vampires.”
“Ye know—”
“Of course we know.” She waved a dismissive hand. “How could we miss the fact that during the Great Vampire War of 1710, thousands of mortals were murdered, drained dry by Casimir and his army, while the opposing vampires managed to feed without killing a single person?”
He stared blankly at her.
She scooted off the barstool and circled the counter. “You’re acting like you’re no better than Casimir.” She motioned toward the empty bottle in the sink. “He would never drink blood that way. He would have attacked and killed me just like he did those other victims at the campground.”
Connor’s heart pounded in his chest. “Ye canna make me out to be good.”
“No?” She stepped closer. “You saved my life tonight. You were willing to fight a demon to protect me. Do you expect me to forget all the brave and noble acts you’ve committed simply because you’re a vampire?”
Could an angel actually consider him good? “Ye doona know the darkness within me.”
“Remember what I said about touching the dying and witnessing their lives?” She laid a hand on his cheek. “It doesn’t work as well with you, but I can see—”
He moved back out of her reach. “Ye see into my soul?”
“A little. The more I touch you, the more I see.”
Bloody hell. That’s why she’d wanted to heal him earlier. She’d seen the black torment deep inside him. Bugger. The whole time he’d spent kissing her, he’d been opening his soul.
“I know you’re a good man, Connor. I saw your strong sense of honor and integrity. I saw a human soul in all its imperfection and glory. That’s why it didn’t occur to me that you were anything but human. An evil vampire would not have such a black pit of pain and remorse hidden in his heart. He wouldn’t know the meaning of remorse.”
The pain swelled in his chest, begging to be released. Here was a beautiful woman, an angel, who believed he was still good. Did he dare hope there was anything other than hell awaiting him? “Marielle,” he whispered.
“Yes.” She placed her hands on his face.
He wanted her so much. He wanted to grab her and never let go. She was everything good and beautiful that he’d ever dreamed of. She was a beacon of light in the darkness where he dwelled. And by some holy miracle, she believed in him. That alone made him want to fall to his knees and lay his heart at her feet.
She gazed intently into his eyes. “Show me what’s hurting you.”
Let her see what he had done? She would hate him if she knew. He would lose her respect, her belief in him. How could he bear that?
“Nay.” He stepped back, breaking contact with her. Dammit to hell. No, damn him to hell. He could never confess, never let her know.
She regarded him silently, disappointment causing the corners of her beautiful mouth