Vixen Manual - Karrine Steffans [115]
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Vixen Tip
On a sheet of paper, write down all the things you would want out of your life partner, in a perfect world. Then, check off all the points on your Perfect Man list that pertain to him. At the end, grade the paper as if it were a school project. What is his grade? Did he score an A, B, C? Oh no—was it a D or an F? This little exercise is a good way to know if you two are compatible and just how much you would be settling.
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Now that you’ve accepted the fact that you will be settling one way or another, the next step is to decide just how much you are willing to settle for. No man is really better or worse than the next, just different. Everyone comes with baggage and shit that you’ll have to put up with. It’s your job to determine what kind of baggage and how much shit you’re willing to handle.
Interestingly, we are more inclined to settle for fewer things on our list as we grow older. When we are young, in our twenties and thirties, we tend to feel immortal, as though we’ve got all the time in the world. We pass up perfectly good men—ones who meet eight or nine of the requirements on our list—because we insist on getting ten out of ten. As the years go by and no one hits the mark, not only do we find fewer men with eight or nine of our requirements, it becomes hard to find men with only three or four. Pretty soon, you find you’re ecstatic to snag a guy who hits two out of ten. Now you’re really settling, in the negative sense. Perhaps you shouldn’t have been so unreasonably picky before.
Good men are always coming our way. Whether you notice them or not depends on whether you are a woman with a positive outlook or a negative one. A positive woman will see the good things a man has to offer. A negative woman will focus only on what is missing. Expect the best for yourself, but don’t set the bar so high that no man could ever reach it.
Settling is a way of life and love that we should all embrace. When you find the man who you feel is right for you, rejoice in the fact that you are, indeed, ready to settle into a rich and fulfilling life with him. If he meets more than half the things on your list, you’ve done well. If you’ve got nine out of ten, then, girlfriend, you’ve truly found yourself a winner! Whatever the case, love your man and cherish him. You get what you give, and if you give your all to the man you’ve chosen to make your life with, you’ll get even more in return. When someone asks if you feel like you’ve settled, you’ll smile with pride and say, “Yes, and I’m so glad I did!”
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Recap
Even when you find the right guy for you, you’re settling in some way.
Look at all the things you’re getting versus the ones you’re not.
Determine what kind of baggage and how much shit you’re willing to handle.
We are more inclined to settle for fewer things on our list as we grow older.
Expect the best for yourself, but don’t set the bar so high that no man could ever reach it.
When you find the man who you feel is right for you, rejoice in the fact that you are, indeed, ready to settle into a rich and fulfilling life with him.
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Epilogue
Fuck! Shit! Motherfucker! Cunt! Dick!
(And Other Liberating Outbursts)
Ah, we made it! Thanks for hanging in there with me for all fifty chapters! It took four years, a change of publisher, several changes of heart, what seems to have been hundreds of failed relationships, and, finally, one amazing love to make this manual possible. No, it’s not that my life has all of a sudden worked out perfectly because some guy waltzed into it and patched all my punctures. But what happened is that I have learned, I have lived, and now, finally, I have loved.