War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy [217]
“Yes, my Sonya couldn’t have acted otherwise!” thought Nikolai.
“No matter how much mama begged her, she refused, and I know she won’t change once she’s said something…”
“And mama begged her!” Nikolai said with reproach.
“Yes,” said Natasha. “You see, Nikolenka, don’t be angry, but I know you won’t marry her. I know, God knows how, but I know for certain that you won’t marry her.”
“Well, that you really can’t know,” said Nikolai, “but I must speak with her. What a delight this Sonya is!” he added, smiling.
“She is a delight! I’ll send her to you.” And Natasha, having kissed her brother, ran off.
A moment later, Sonya came in, frightened, bewildered, and guilty. Nikolai went up to her and kissed her hand. It was the first time during his visit that they spoke alone and about their love.
“Sophie,” he said, timidly at first, then more and more boldly, “if you want to refuse not only a brilliant but an advantageous match; but he’s a wonderful, noble man…he’s my friend…”
Sonya interrupted him.
“I’ve already refused,” she said hurriedly.
“If you’ve refused for my sake, I’m afraid I…”
Sonya interrupted him again. She looked at him with a pleading, frightened gaze.
“Nicolas, don’t say that to me,” she said.
“No, I must. Maybe it’s suffisance*288 on my part, but it’s still better to say everything. If you refused for my sake, I must tell you the whole truth. I love you, I think, more than anyone…”
“That’s enough for me,” Sonya said, blushing.
“No, but I have fallen in love and will fall in love a thousand times, though I have no such feeling of friendship, trust, and love for anyone but you. Besides, I’m young. Maman doesn’t want it. Well, simply, I don’t promise anything. And I ask you to think about Dolokhov’s proposal,” he said, speaking his friend’s name with difficulty.
“Don’t say that to me. I don’t want anything. I love you as a brother, and will love you always, and I need nothing more.”
“You’re an angel, I’m not worthy of you, only I’m afraid to deceive you.” And Nikolai kissed her hand once more.
XII
The balls at Iogel’s were the merriest in Moscow. Mothers said so, looking at their adolescentes performing their just-learned pas; the adolescentes and adolescents said so themselves, dancing until they dropped; grownup girls and young men said so, who came to these balls thinking they were condescending and found the best of merriment in them. That year two matches were made at these balls. The two pretty Gorchakov princesses found fiancés and got married, and this added still more to the reputation of these balls. The particuliarity of these balls was that there was no host or hostess; there was the good-natured Iogel, scraping the parquet by all the rules of art, flitting about like a bit of down, receiving tickets for lessons from his pupils;19 another thing was that only those came to these balls who wanted to dance and be merry, the way thirteen- and fourteen-year-old girls do, who put on long gowns for the first time. All of them, with rare exceptions, were or seemed pretty: so rapturously they smiled, so lit-up were their eyes. Sometimes the best girl pupils even danced the pas de châle, and the best of them was Natasha, distinguished by her gracefulness; but at this last ball only the écossaise and the anglaise were danced, and the mazurka, which was just coming into fashion. Iogel rented the ballroom in Bezukhov’s house, and the ball was very successful, as everyone said. There were many pretty girls, and the Rostov girls were among the best. They were both especially happy and gay that evening. Sonya, proud of Dolokhov’s proposal, of her refusal, and of the talk with Nikolai, started twirling while she was still at home, not letting her maid do up her braids, and now she shone all through with impetuous joy.
Natasha, no less proud of wearing a long gown for the first time, at a real ball, was still happier. The two girls wore white muslin gowns with pink ribbons.
Natasha fell in love from the moment she entered the ballroom. She was not in love with anyone in particular,