War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy [249]
Pierre felt awkward and even oppressed in his friend’s company. He fell silent.
“Well, the thing is, dear heart,” said Prince Andrei, who obviously also felt oppressed and embarrassed with his visitor, “I’m on bivouac here, I’ve just come to have a look. And tonight I’m going to my sister’s. I’ll introduce you to them. But it seems you know her,” he said, obviously entertaining a visitor with whom he no longer felt anything in common. “We’ll go after dinner. And now would you like to look over my estate?” They went out and spent the time before dinner discussing political news and mutual acquaintances, like people who have little closeness to each other. Prince Andrei showed some animation and interest only when he talked about the new estate he was setting up and his construction projects, but here, too, in the midst of the conversation, on the scaffolding, as Prince Andrei was describing to Pierre the future layout of the house, he suddenly stopped. “However, there’s nothing interesting in it, let’s have dinner and go.” Over dinner the conversation turned to Pierre’s marriage.
“I was very surprised when I heard of it,” said Prince Andrei.
Pierre blushed, as he always blushed about that, and said hastily:
“Some day I’ll tell you how it all happened. But, you know, it’s all over, and forever.”
“Forever?” said Prince Andrei. “Nothing is forever.”
“But you do know how it all ended? You heard about the duel?”
“Yes, you went through that, too.”
“The one thing I thank God for is that I didn’t kill the man,” said Pierre.
“Why so?” asked Prince Andrei. “It’s even very good to kill a vicious dog.”
“No, to kill a man is bad, it’s wrong…”
“Why is it wrong?” Prince Andrei repeated. “It’s not given to people to judge what’s right or wrong. People have eternally been mistaken and will be mistaken, and in nothing more so than in what they consider right and wrong.”
“What’s evil for another person is wrong,” said Pierre, pleased to feel that for the first time since his arrival Prince Andrei was becoming animated and was beginning to talk and wanted to speak out everything that had made him the way he was now.
“But who has told you what’s evil for another person?” he asked.
“Evil? Evil?” said Pierre. “We all know what’s evil for us.”
“Yes, we know, but what I know as evil for myself, I cannot do to another person,” Prince Andrei was speaking more and more animatedly, clearly wishing to voice his new view of things to Pierre. He spoke in French. “Je ne connais dans la vie que deux maux bien réels: c’est le remords et la maladie. Il n’est de bien que l’absence de ces maux.*315 To live for myself, only avoiding these two evils—that is all my wisdom now.”
“And love of one’s neighbor, and self-sacrifice?” Pierre began. “No, I can’t agree with you! To live only so as not to do evil, so as not to repent, is too little. I used to live that way, I lived for myself, and I ruined my life. And only now, when I live, or at least try to live” (Pierre corrected himself out of modesty) “for others, only now have I understood all the happiness of life. No, I won’t agree with you, and you don’t really think what you’re saying.” Prince Andrei silently gazed at Pierre with a mocking smile.
“You’ll be seeing my sister, Princess Marya. You’ll get along well with her,” he said. “Maybe you’re right for yourself,” he went on after a brief pause, “but each man lives in his own way: you lived for yourself and you say with that you almost ruined your life, and knew happiness only when you began to live for others. But I experienced the opposite. I used to live for glory. (What is glory? The same as love for others, the desire to do something for them, the desire for their praise.) So I lived for others and ruined my life—and not almost, but completely. And I’ve been at peace since I began living for myself alone.”
“But how can you live for