War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy [720]
But, to his surprise, Willarski soon noticed that Pierre lagged very far behind real life and had fallen, as he defined Pierre to himself, into apathy and egoism.
“Vous vous encroûtez, mon cher,”†747 he said to him. Despite that, Willarski found it more pleasant to be with Pierre now than formerly, and he called on him every day. But for Pierre, looking at Willarski and listening to him now, it was strange and incredible to think that he himself had very recently been the same.
Willarski was married, a family man, occupied with the business of his wife’s estate, with his service, and with his family. He considered all these occupations a hindrance to life and considered them all contemptible, because their purpose was the personal well-being of himself and his family. Military, administrative, political, and Masonic considerations constantly absorbed his attention. And Pierre, without trying to change his view, without judging him, with his now constant quiet, joyful mockery, admired this strange phenomenon he knew so well.
In his relations with Willarski, with the princess, with the doctor, with all the people he met now, there was a new feature in Pierre which won him the favor of all people: this was the recognition of the possibility for each person of thinking, feeling, and looking at things in his own way; the recognition of the impossibility of changing a person’s opinion with words. This legitimate peculiarity of each person, which formerly had troubled and irritated Pierre, now constituted the basis of the sympathy and interest he took in people. The difference, sometimes the complete contradiction of people’s views with his own life and among themselves, delighted Pierre and evoked an amused and meek smile in him.
In practical matters, Pierre now felt unexpectedly that he had a center of gravity which he had not had formerly. Formerly every monetary question, especially requests for money, which he, as a very rich man, was very often subject to, had sent him into hopeless agitation and perplexity. “Should I give it or not?” he would ask himself. “I have it, and he needs it. But the other one needs it more. Who needs it more? And maybe they’re both cheats?” And formerly he had not found any way out of these suppositions and had given to everybody, as long as he had something to give. He had formerly found himself in the same perplexity faced with any question concerning his fortune, when one said he ought to act this way and another that way.
Now, to his surprise, he discovered that there were no more doubts and perplexities in all these questions. In him an arbiter now appeared, who by some laws unknown to him decided what must and must not be done.
He was as indifferent to monetary matters as formerly; but now he knew unquestionably what should be done and what should not. The first application of this new arbiter for him was the request of a captive French colonel, who came to him, told him a great deal about his exploits, and in the end almost demanded that Pierre give him four thousand francs to send to his wife and children. Without the slightest difficulty or strain, Pierre refused him, wondering afterwards at how simple and easy what had formerly seemed insolubly difficult really was. Together with this refusal of the colonel, he decided that it was necessary to employ a ruse so that, on leaving Orel, he could make the Italian officer accept some money, which he clearly needed. For Pierre, the new proof of his strengthened view of practical matters was his solution of the question of his wife’s debts and of the restoration or non-restoration of his houses in Moscow and the country.
His chief steward came to him in Orel, and together with him Pierre made a general accounting of his changed income. The Moscow fire, by his chief steward’s calculation, had cost Pierre around two million.
By way of consolation for these losses, the chief steward presented Pierre with a calculation showing that, despite these losses, his income not only would not diminish, but would increase, if he refused