We, the Drowned - Carsten Jensen [155]
The boy looked up. Then he pointed to the matchstick man behind the wheel.
"The helmsman will save the ship. He'll just sail it somewhere else."
"He can't," Albert said. "It's too late."
The boy stared at the drawing of the doomed ship. Tears welled up in his eyes.
"That's not fair," he burst out. He quickly snatched the drawing and started tearing it to pieces. Albert was about to grab his arm, then stopped himself.
"I'm sorry," he said.
"You always do that," the boy said, "you always draw that..." He couldn't get hold of the word. "That thing. Why do you do that?"
"I don't know," Albert replied, realizing that he was telling the truth. He'd never wondered why he drew a maelstrom in front of the bow every time he drew a ship. The spiral simply pulled his pencil along, like an irresistible force. He drew according to a secret command that only his pencil, but not he, could follow.
"I feel sorry for the ships," the boy said.
"Yes," Albert said. "So do I. But their time is over. The age of sailing ships has gone."
"But there are plenty in the harbor," the boy objected.
"Yes, that's right. But no one wants to go to sea anymore."
"I do," the boy said. "I want to be a sailor." He turned and gave Albert a defiant look. "Just like my dad."
THE GRIEF no longer showed in Klara Friis's face these days, and she seemed carefree: Albert thought that it was life, calling her back. Her husband had died, but she held a living child in her arms, and as time went by, the balance of her feelings had to shift from one to the other. The child, a girl christened Edith by Pastor Abildgaard, needed her. And her grief had to surrender to that need. She didn't grow any more talkative, but her eyes were no longer fixed stubbornly on the floor.
Knud Erik had broken the ice between them. He'd long since abandoned his own shyness in Albert's company, though it returned somewhat when his mother was present, as though she and Albert were two different worlds that he couldn't bridge. But now he would report to her in a loud, clear voice the many adventures each day had brought. In the beginning his mother would hush him. However, as she had no conversation of her own to contribute, she eventually let him speak.
At times Albert caught her glancing furtively at him, and then she'd instantly look down again. But her face was no longer tear-swollen, and the shine had returned to her hair. She also made an effort to dress nicely for his visits. This too he thought had something to do with the difference in their social rank: she was smartening up for the gentry.
"I can skate now, and Captain Madsen will teach me to row and swim. Then I won't drown. And then I can become a good sailor."
Knud Erik made this announcement one day as they sat in the parlor, drinking the obligatory coffee.
"I won't hear of such talk! You're not going to be a sailor!" His mother's voice was sharp; her face tightened visibly under the soft curve of her cheeks. Knud Erik looked down. "Go to the kitchen right now!"
The boy disappeared, his head still bowed. Klara Friis turned to Albert. He had stood up.
"I think it's time for me to get going."
"Please don't go," she said. Her voice was suddenly filled with anxiety.
Albert remained standing. "Don't be too hard on him," he said.
She got up from the chair and came over to him. "Please don't misunderstand—I wasn't trying to..." She stopped, unable to continue; she did not know where to look. Then tears welled in her eyes. He placed a hand on her shoulder. She took a step forward and stood close to him. Then she rested her forehead against his chest. Her shoulder trembled under his hand. "I'm sorry," she choked. He could hear her swallow as if trying to suppress her sobbing. "It's just so—difficult."
He let his hand stay on her shoulder and hoped that the weight of it would calm her somehow. She remained standing as she gave in to her tears. He could feel the heat from her body. She held on to the lapels of his jacket as though she was afraid he'd push her away. He towered above her; she seemed to disappear between