What would Keith Richards do_ - Jessica Pallington West [76]
April 27, 2006 – Keith falls out of a “coconut tree.”
As quickly as the story starts, the story morphs. First, he was alone. Next, he was up there with Ronnie. First it’s a tree, then it’s a bush. Whatever it was, Keith fell out of it. There’s brain surgery, trepanning. The story morphs some more: There was a jet-ski crash as well. Keith recovers and posts a laughing “I’m still here” on his Web site. Doctors are amazed by his good health. Rumors start that medical professionals are vying for his remains to study his longevity.
October 29, 2006 – Longtime Stones associate, record executive Ahmet Ertegun, falls backstage
at a concert, goes into a coma for almost two months, then dies on December 14.
November 2006 – Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee offers to intervene between Keith and God.
He formally issues a pardon for the 1975 reckless-driving ticket and tells G2: “Now that I’ve pardoned Keith Richards, wouldn’t it be incredible if that somehow led to my being able to give him a full pardon before God for all the things he’s done?"
April 2007 – “Keith Richards Snorted Father’s Ashes.”
The bit appears in a New Music Express interview, and the resulting media attention is explosive. Keith quickly recants the story, then recants the recant, claiming he didn’t want to upset his dying mother.
April 21, 2007 – Death of mother, Doris Richards, at age ninety-one.
May 2007 – Look out, Mickey Mouse.
Keith appears as Captain Teague, the father of Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow, in Disney’s Pirates of the Caribbean: At World’s End.
July 2007 – Sells his memoirs for a reported $7.3 million.
August 2007 – Writes angry letter to the editor of a Swedish newspaper,
addressing a critic who panned Keith’s drunken performance. He demands an apology and orders them to “write the truth.” It doesn’t happen.
August 26, 2007 – Eats cigarette onstage in London.
February 2008 – Martin Scorsese’s concert film Shine a Light premieres at the Berlin Film Festival.
Afterward, Keith is reportedly “arrested” again at Newark Airport due to a passport “misunderstanding."
March 2008 – At age sixty-four, Keith becomes a fashion model.
He appears in an ad for luxury leather company Louis Vuitton and their “core values” campaign. The slogan: “Some journeys cannot be put into words.” Fashion model’s payment goes to Al Gore’s environmental initiative.
November 2008 – Next stop: easy listening?
After a few tracks leak onto the Internet of Keith singing gentle oldies, rumors surface that he has ideas to record an easy listening album, featuring renditions of Judy Garland and Perry Como songs.
In Closing:
A RECIPE FOR
SHEPHERD’S PIE
This is a dish that has long been a Keith favorite and the standard Keith Richards meal provided on tours. One that you don’t mess with. A favorite rumor is that he pulled a gun on a roadie who tried to take a bite when he thought no one was looking.
But beyond the guns, or at least the rumored threats of guns, shepherd’s pie is basically Keith Richards in epicurean form: down to earth, unpretentious, natural, easy, authentic.
But be warned: if you’re not careful, and take it on as something outside of your limits—for example, if you use tainted lamb, or if you are allergic to potatoes or milk, or you eat seventeen servings in a row, or take a bite from the stash of the wrong person—it can kill you.
So before you eat it, be sure you know yourself.
Keith’s Mum’s Shepherd’s Pie Recipe*
���The one food I can eat 365 days a year.”
INGREDIENTS
3 pounds of potatoes, peeled, diced
1 tablespoon of butter
Salt and pepper to taste
2 pounds ground beef
2 large onions, chopped
2 large carrots, grated
1 12-ounce can of beef stock
1 tablespoon of corn starch
Place potatoes in a large saucepan, cover with water.
Bring to a boil, reduce heat, and simmer until tender.
Drain. Using