What You Can Change _. And What You Can't - Martin E. Seligman [82]
Another theory—unsatisfying but not silly—says that women, having to bear and raise children, must, if they wish to pass on their genes, be very selective as to the character and prospects of men (with regard to fathering). Muscular forearms, swarthy complexion, shapely calves—in short, appearance—are very poor predictors of successful fathering and sheltering. Sympathetic conversation, wealth, success, social rank (remember Henry Kissinger’s aphorism: “Power is the world’s greatest aphrodisiac”), love songs, vows, and poetry about eternal devotion augur better that the man will help parent the children and not abandon them when the woman’s childbearing is over. Women who adopt this reproductive strategy are more likely to pass on their genes than women who get aroused by superficial appearance. Men, so this theory continues, merely want to spread their sperm around as far as it will go, and being guided by a pretty face, wide hips, nubility, and large breasts ensures the most offspring.18 This explains the facts, but provides no mechanism.
Changing sexual preference. In the natural course of life, the sexual preferences of adolescence abide, though new ones can be added. Bisexuals, for example, often start out having heterosexual experience only. In their twenties or thirties, however, they begin to act on their secret fantasies, happen into a homosexual encounter, and become actively bisexual. Married couples are introduced to group sex by other “swingers” and sometimes acquire a taste for it.
The old preferences, however, which rarely die of their own accord, can—with explicit therapy—sometimes be altered. There have been extensive studies on the power of therapy to change sexual preference, but their subjects are mostly atypical men: sex offenders. An exhibitionist (flasher) or a pedophile (child molester) may be arrested and then have therapy mandated in addition to, or instead of, jail. Similarly, men who are overcome with guilt and shame or who want to undo their preferences to avoid jail seek out such therapy. In all these cases, there is strong external pressure to change.
The treatment of flashers is typical, and all of the following are used extensively, alone or in combination:
electric shock or chemical nauseants: The patient reads aloud, in the first person, an exciting sequence of vignettes about flashing. When he gets to the climax—exposing his erect penis—painful shock, or smells that are so bad they produce retching, are delivered. As the climactic act becomes aversive, the aversive stimulus is now delivered earlier and earlier in the sequence.
orgasmic reconditioning: The man masturbates, narrating his fantasies aloud. As he comes, he substitutes a more acceptable scene for the flashing fantasy.
masturbatory satiation: He continues to masturbate for half an hour after ejaculation—a deadly and humiliating task—while rehearsing every variation of flashing aloud.
These are mildly effective. In one study with a six-year follow-up, only 40 percent of treated men continue to flash, whereas 60 percent of untreated men reoffend. More recently, therapists have started to treat this problem cognitively. For example, the patient carries cards with exciting vignettes about flashing. On the back of each card is a horrible consequence of flashing and getting caught. Whenever the flasher is tempted, he reads a sequence, turns the card over, and then ruminates on the awful consequences. This may drop reoffending to about 25 percent.19
Patients report changes both in their overt behavior and in their desire to flash. I believe, however, that what they want is largely unchanged. But what they do is substantially changed. It is very much in the interest of the offender to tell the therapist, the judge, his probation officer, and the world that he no longer wants to flash, and so his reports are not completely believable. But the objective record documents that he