When Broken Glass Floats_ Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge - Chanrithy Him [0]
WHEN BROKEN GLASS FLOATS
Growing Up under the Khmer Rouge
A MEMOIR
Chanrithy Him
W. W. NORTON & COMPANY
New York • London
AUTHOR’S NOTE:
Although I have photographic memories of what happened in my childhood as early as when I was three, some of the events in this book were recounted to me as I grew up and filled in by my relatives. To protect some people, I have changed their names in the book.
Copyright © 2000 by Chanrithy Him
All rights reserved
For information about permission to reproduce selections from this book, write to Permissions, W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, NY 10110
Library of Congress Cataloging-in-Publication Data
Him, Chanrithy, 1965–
When broken glass floats: growing up under the Khmer Rouge / Chanrithy Him.
p. cm.
ISBN: 978-0-393-07579-3
1. Him, Chanrithy, 1965–2. Cambodia—Politics and government—1975–1979. 3. Political atrocities—Cambodia. 4. Political refugees—Cambodia—Biography. 5. Political refugees—United States—Biography. I. Title.
DS554.83.H56 A3 2000
959.604'2'092—dc21
[B] 99-058417
W. W. Norton & Company, Inc., 500 Fifth Avenue, New York, N.Y. 10110 www.wwnorton.com
W. W. Norton & Company Ltd., 10 Coptic Street, London WC1A 1PU
In dedication to
Pa and Mak,
I honor you.
Chea,
my idol,
who enriched my life.
Tha, Avy, Vin, and Bosaba,
who will live forever
in my memory,
I love and miss you dearly.
For Cheng,
who helped me escape
the death camp.
Please Give Us Voice
When broken glass floats, a nation drowns,
Descending to the abyss.
From mass graves in the once-gentle land,
Their blood seeps into mother earth.
Their suffering spirits whisper to her,
“Why has this happened?”
Their voice resounds in the spirit world,
Shouts through the souls of survivors,
Determined to connect, begging the world:
Please remember us.
Please speak for us.
Please bring us justice.
C.H.
CONTENTS
Acknowledgments
Family Tree
Preface: A Seed of Survival
1 A Heavenly Comet Foreshadows War
2 B-cinquante-deux
3 A Grain of Rice on a Dog’s Tail
4 When Broken Glass Begins to Float
5 There Are No Good-byes
6 Worse Than Pigs
7 Remnants of Ghosts
8 When the Owl Cries
9 Now I Know the Answer
10 The Spirit of Survival
11 A Promise
12 Though a Virgin, I’m Called an Old Man
13 Mass Marriage and a Forbidden Love
14 When Broken Glass Sinks
15 A Letter
16 The Exodus
17 The New Camp
18 Khao I Dang Camp
19 Sakeo II Camp
20 Philippine Refugee Processing Center
Acknowledgments
I remember a little girl’s wish for the world to learn the bitter chill of her grief, and of the tragic death of her family. Her wish is mine and it is realized. I must thank those individuals who’ve helped the dream come true: Ryan Hinke, my dear, loving friend, who provides a home with precious solitude that allowed me to write this memoir.
I am grateful to Uncle Seng for bringing us to America.
I am indebted to Amy Cherry, a sensitive, shrewd, godsent editor.
Meredith Bernstein, my agent, I thank you for believing in my story. Your kind words gave me courage.
My sister Channary, who cheers me on in my journey.
I thank the Literary Arts, Inc., and those who have helped Cambodia and her people in the Khmer diaspora.
Family Tree
PREFACE
A Seed of Survival
To every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.
—ECCLESIASTES 3:1
I wake, confused. It’s still dark. My past has haunted me again. Memory has taken me back in my dreams, a hapless passenger, even though I’m no longer in Cambodia. In my nightmares I am trying to keep a childhood promise that I made to the spirit of my mother, who came to me in my sleep twenty years ago. A promise made in another dream which I must honor.
In this dream, I am crying out to God to help me find Map, my three-year-old brother. Enemies are infiltrating the United