When Broken Glass Floats_ Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge - Chanrithy Him [138]
I scold her not to cry because she is only making me cry even more. But she doesn’t listen. She wails, and I cup my face in my hands.
“Chanrithy?” A gentle voice speaks. I turn toward the voice, and already Dr. Tanedo is sitting beside me.
“Oh, Dr. Tanedo!” I sigh, happy, yet sad at the same time.
“I’ll ride with you until we get close to the hospital, then I’ll get off there.”
“Thank you,” I say softly, my left hand wiping my eyes. I feel a gentle hand squeeze my right hand. I look at Dr. Tanedo, and he whispers to me not to cry. I want to say I can’t, but I can only shake my head.
“Athy, you’re leaving us. You’re leaving us. Nobody’s going to make us laugh anymore when you’re gone,” says Sereya, reminiscing. I choke, laughing, shaking my head.
Oblivious to everyone on the bus but Dr. Tanedo, I tell Sereya that amid this sadness, she must remind me of all the laughter I’ve brought to her and our friends. What a friend you are! I tease her. She giggles, amused at herself.
Feeling silly for laughing through my tears, I explain to Dr. Tanedo. He looks at me and gives me a sad smile, then his hand holds mine tightly. I’m comforted. But as the bus starts up, Sereya wails, tapping on the window again. “Good-bye, Athy. Good-bye,” she yells.
The bus takes off. Sereya trots along. The bus accelerates, Sereya wails. I cover my face, sobbing.
“Chanrithy. Chanrithy, don’t cry,” whispers Dr. Tanedo. His hand rubs mine again and again.
The bus stops. Dr. Tanedo gets up, gazing at me, and wishes me good-bye and good luck.
The night welcomes us at the airport. The city lights dimly shine in the dark sky. Clutching a bag of food in one hand and a duffel bag in another, I breathe in the cool breeze. I scurry along beside Map, Savorng, and Ry. Than is ahead of us. Bang Vantha is in front of him. Ra trudges behind him, hugging Syla to her chest. I’m with my family, yet my mind is still at the camp. I miss my friends, more than at any other time in my life.
But as the plane takes us up into the sky, I feel at ease. I’m riding to freedom, carried in the belly of a bird. We’ve made it, I think to myself. We are crossing the ocean, above the world that has enchained us. We’re alive.
I think about what awaits me in America. I imagine Uncle Seng looking at the picture of us we sent him, remembering the faces of his older brother’s remaining children, whom he has not seen for six years, since the day he stepped out of the gate of our home.
In my duffel bag, there are other pictures, tattered photographs I managed to keep safe during the Khmer Rouge time, moving them from the roof of one hut to the next. They travel with me to America, along with the indelible memories of Cambodia’s tragic years; of Pa and Mak; of Chea, Avy, and Vin, of twenty-eight members of my extended family and countless others who perished. With me, they are safely transported to America, a trip only made possible by Uncle Seng. He is the bridge leading me, Ra, Ry, Than, Map, Savorng, Syla, and bang Vantha to freedom. We are like the dust of history being blown away, and Uncle Seng is like the hand that blocks the wind. We are leaving behind Cambodia, ground under the wheel of the Khmer Rouge, and flying to America. There, we will face other challenges, other risks, in a new place in which we will have to redefine ourselves, a kind of reincarnation for us all.
* The wheel of time or change. The Khmer Rouge often used such terms to threaten us, to force us to follow their rules, their revolution. If we didn’t follow their rules, the wheel of history would run over us. This could mean punishment or death.
* The familiar address of a wife to her husband, a term of endearment which means “father of the children.”
* Thy (Tee) is my nickname; the prefix A is an added endearment used by an older person addressing a younger one, especially a girl—relative age is very important in defining Cambodian relationships, and is reflected in the language, as are gender roles.
* Because I was an articulate, curious child, Pa had tried to place