When Broken Glass Floats_ Growing Up Under the Khmer Rouge - Chanrithy Him [98]
We hurry back to the hut. As Ra and I walk through the village, the night is quiet. It seems as if we are the only two waking souls. When we arrive at the hut, we try to be quiet. As we are about to place the pan of prawns and the net on the alcove, Chea whispers sternly, “I’ve been worried to death. What took you so long? I can’t sleep. I kept thinking the chhlops had killed you, that my younger sisters died because of me.” Chea talks fast, her voice growing stronger.
“But Chea, there were lots of prawns,” Ra whispers excitedly. “Not knowing when we can fish again, I thought we should fish a lot now. Here, feel the prawns. They almost fill the pan!” Ra pushes the pan toward Chea. “Lots of prawns, hah? Athy and I kept eating while we fished. They’re sweet.”
“Oh my, still alive!” Chea exclaims. Ry echoes her excitement. Their hands are busy shoving the prawns into their mouths.
In this time of hunger and secrecy, we eat in the dark quietly. Map wakes up and joins us. Together we eat the live prawns, reaching for the pan frequently; it’s just like eating steamed peanuts in a movie theater. In my mind, I can see Mak’s contented, relieved face as she places the prawns in her mouth. I wish she could be with us.
The luxury of being with my family is short-lived. After two more trips to the river to get prawns, Angka reclaims me—it puts me back in a children’s brigade located a village away from Daakpo. I stay in a wooden house, a single open room built on stilts with a ladderlike stair, along with fifty other children. Our job is to clear thickets and shrubs in the woods, preparation for the cultivation of yam and yucca root. Despite how hard it is to be separated from my family again, I try to find something positive in this change. I find a little comfort in knowing that Thore Meta, who was lenient and understanding when I worked as a scarecrow, is my brigade leader.
It has been two weeks since I last saw Chea. Working from dawn to dusk exhausts me, leaving me little energy to think of her. But when I do, I miss her so much. Knowing how ill she was when I left, I’m afraid, so afraid, that I’ll lose her like I lost Pa, Mak, Avy, and Vin. Despite the prawns, her fever worsened. Her body temperature continued to rise, and she became more and more delirious. Each day she was slipping away. She needs proper medical care and not simply food. I don’t know how we can save her. I think of Pa and his medicine desk, the magic that can cure Chea. I want to take her back in time so Pa can heal her.
Tonight something is nagging at me. Lying on the floor, I’m wide awake as a voice inside me urges me to go see Chea. The yearning grows stronger, and I sob. Something inside is eating me up. I wail.
“Which comrade is crying?” Thore Meta’s voice inquires, her footsteps coming up the stairs.
I get up and sit at the corner of the house, looking at Thore Meta’s silhouette.
“Why are you crying, Comrade Thy?” she asks, her voice stern.
“My older sister is very sick. I want to see her. I want to see her before she dies.” I break down.
“Go. Go see your sister, then come back. If anyone asks, tell them I let you go,” Thore Meta says, her silhouette disappearing into the sheet of darkness.
When I near the hut, a fire is burning in the cooking hole. Yet there’s nothing cooking, and the yellow-orange tongues lick the dark space. When I get to the door of the hut, I brace myself.
“Don’t let bang sin—” My arrival interrupts Chea’s faint voice.
“Chea, Athy’s here!” Ry announces. Her head turns, and so do Ra’s and Map’s.
Everyone moves over, making room for me to see Chea. A thin, shriveled body lying on the slabs of the floor. Her breathing is shallow. As I move closer to her, her eyes, deep, sunken, shock me.
“Chea, I’m here,” I say softly, wanting her to open her eyes. Suddenly they roll slowly behind