When Ghosts Speak - Mary Ann Winkowski [63]
Stalling for time, I sort of nodded and said that well, yes, that was one possibility. I asked Ellen if she wanted me to just let Pete know and then he could tell everyone.
Ellen immediately protested that everyone in the room loved Alex and that everyone deserved to hear what he had to say.
By this point, Pete was sweating and pale. I looked straight at him and said, “Well, Alex is telling me that he understands how things might have ended up the way they have, and that he’s happy you’ve tried to comfort Ellen.” I said a few more generic things that Alex had told me, and then I continued.
“You know, Pete, Alex has some very specific things he wants me to tell you. He’s wondering why you were buying so many rounds that day when the two of you went to the ball game. He says that it wasn’t like you to drink so much. You need to come clean with him.”
Pete stared ahead blankly for a long minute and then said, “He’s told you everything, hasn’t he?”
I just nodded.
Putting his head down on the table and beginning to sob, Pete confessed to killing his best friend. He’d gotten him drunk on purpose, he admitted. And then, on the ride home, when Alex passed out, without even thinking about it Pete slipped out of the driver’s seat. He pushed Alex behind the wheel, slipped the car into drive, and let it roll down into the ravine. He’d jumped down after it and blacked out. The next thing he knew, he was in the hospital and Alex was dead.
I cannot even describe the mood in the room. All I can tell you is that I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I made the Light for Alex, who crossed over immediately. Pete went to prison, and as far as I know he’s still there. It’s one thing to hear ghosts tell me who killed them; it’s another thing entirely to have the murderer confess to my face.
Suicides
While spending time in the company of murder victims can be upsetting, and talking to these spirits about who killed them and why can be unnerving, I find it much more disturbing to spend time with the ghosts of people who have killed themselves. There are some unique situations that surround the spirits of suicides.
I frequently run across the ghosts of people who committed suicide many, many years ago. Often these people were Catholics and killed themselves knowing that their church considered it a mortal sin and believing that their souls were doomed. Their expectation was that they would go straight to hell. They often tell me that they remained earthbound because they feared that there would be no forgiveness in the Light. For them, the risks of staying on earth as ghosts seemed less than the risks of going into the Light and facing certain harsh judgment. When I encounter such spirits today, I can explain to them that the Catholic church now regards suicide as the act of a mentally ill person; they needn’t fear going to hell. Once I tell them this, they are usually grateful for the opportunity to cross over.
But as times have changed, the reasons for not going into the Light seemed to have changed as well. I have noticed an alarming trend among many suicide victims, particularly in today’s younger generations. These days, when I come across ghosts of folks younger than fifty or so—and especially teenagers—who have committed suicide, I am meeting spirits who are not remorseful in the least. They have no fear of punishment and were not apprehensive at all about what would happen to them after their death. For these spirits, suicide is often an act of revenge or spite, rather than despair. This is a unique group of spirits in that they may or may not decide to go into the Light. But their decision about whether or not they cross over is not based on any fear of judgment or a sense that they will be punished. Instead, for these disaffected souls, it is as if being dead is just another new experience. And some tell me that they are planning to stick around for a while to see what it’s like. Others imply that maybe being dead isn’t as interesting as they thought it would be and that maybe going