When Ghosts Speak - Mary Ann Winkowski [66]
In retrospect, I was incredibly fortunate that my grandmother was so encouraging about what I was doing. Most children who claim to see imaginary playmates are told to hush, to stop imagining, to grow up, to act like a big boy or girl. When people ask me about whether or not children can see spirits, I now tell them that experience has taught me that imaginary playmates are not always imaginary, and children chatting away at a tea party for invisible guests may actually be talking to spirits only they are aware of.
It’s also clear to me that as children grow up, and well-intentioned adults praise the traits of practicality and reason, imaginary playmates are forgotten. I cannot recall having any ghost playmates, and I suspect that most adults would be hard-pressed to remember any invisible friends from their childhoods.
I do, however, remember the first child ghost I ever saw. I was in third grade and rode the bus every day with a girl named Lucy. Lucy got on the bus at the stop after mine and got off right before me each afternoon. One afternoon, as the bus began to pull away from the curb, the driver suddenly slammed on the brakes and began screaming. I can remember looking out the window and seeing Lucy lying on the sidewalk. I can even remember thinking, Why is she doing that?
When I got home that afternoon, the phone rang almost constantly. My mother told my sisters and me that Lucy had been hit by a car and killed as she crossed in front of the bus. The next day at school, the nuns began morning prayers by having us pray for Lucy’s soul. The nuns also took our whole class to Lucy’s funeral Mass. Lucy’s ghost was there, sitting in the pew next to her distraught parents. I can remember trying to catch her eye. I wanted her to know I could see her. But she never even glanced in my direction. We weren’t allowed to go to the cemetery, so I don’t know if she crossed over or not.
I still remember how frightened some of my friends were about going to Lucy’s funeral. They were afraid to look at her coffin in the front of the church; they were afraid of all the grieving relatives who filled the pews. I knew what to expect since I had already gone to a lot of funerals with my grandmother. But at those funerals, all the ghosts I had talked to had been strangers. This was the first time I had known the person who had died, and it made a strong impression on me. As a result, I firmly believe that parents should take their young children to calling hours and funerals, especially to those of people the children are not emotionally attached to.
It’s important for children to realize that the dead are not frightening, and that while the bodies may have closed eyes, the deceased are not asleep. Making this distinction will, in fact, help children with any fears they may harbor that being dead is somehow like being asleep. Parents need to help their children to understand death is part of a process. While people are sad to lose their loved ones, the person who is dead is not someone to be feared.
After Lucy’s funeral, I remember asking my grandmother why I didn’t see ghosts of babies or younger kids. She told me it was because children have guardian angels, and guardian angels take their spirits to heaven. Because my grandmother didn’t have the same ability that I do, I know now that she was telling me what she believed to be true, but it was many years before I felt I really understood the unique way in which children, both living and dead, navigate through the spirit world.
Infants
I have