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By Root 1067 0

of an absentee dad because I was always working. When he was growing up, I used to hug and kiss him all the time, but when he became a teenager, like a lot of kids that age, he didn’t like me to do that anymore. I guess he thought it was embarrassing to have his dad smother him. I think Monique was the first woman in his life who loved him and showed him affection like that. I don’t know if she became a mother figure to him, but she sure had a hold on him like his mother. Most people gravitate toward partners who are like their mom or dad because there’s a comfort in that, especially when that type of love was absent while they were growing up. After four years in prison, Tucker was so starved for love and affection. I should have known exactly how he felt because I also felt that way when I got out.

It’s not a secret there’s no love lost between his mother and me. I blame her for the way she was with our three children, and she’s angry with me for moving on with my life. In truth, I bear a great deal of responsibility for the way things turned out for Tucker because I played a role in many of the difficult events in his life. The strained relationship between his mother and me hurt all of our kids. If we had communicated better and learned to work with each other instead of against each other, perhaps Barbara Katie would be alive today, Baby Lyssa wouldn’t have been raped, and Tucker wouldn’t have gone to jail. I carry a tremendous amount of guilt for not having the courage to be a more strict dad and a more demanding ex-husband. The anger my ex-wife harbors toward me was funneled through to our children. She filled their heads with all sorts of stories that simply weren’t true so she would be able to have a hold on them and turn each of those kids against me. Once I got Baby Lyssa back, she no longer wanted to hear her mother’s rhetoric or propaganda. She could see how much better off her life was living with Beth and me. Barbara Katie played both sides until the day she died, so I never had the chance to turn things around for her before it was too late. Tucker was out of his mother’s grip for four years while he was incarcerated, but it didn’t take long after his release for her to sink her hooks back into him and begin to turn him against me. While I was doing everything I could to help Tucker adjust to life on the outside, his mother coddled him, preyed on his insecurities, and pushed our child to do something I am sure he now regrets.

Apparently, the National Enquirer sent the contracts for payment to Tucker’s mother in Alaska so she could negotiate the deal on Tucker’s behalf. He signed the documents but refused to turn over the tapes for several months. For whatever reason, he kept backing out of making that final destructive move that might sink my battleship for good.

Beth actually caught Tucker talking to the National Enquirer in June. She warned him that he better not be running his mouth off about the family or there would be hell to pay. My oldest son, Christopher, had already sold a story to the Enquirer that same month saying I beat him as a kid, which sent us all over the edge. Tucker could see that the tabloids were a real threat to us and an extremely sore subject with the network. He had found my Achilles’ heel and planned to use it against me.

When I called Tucker that fateful day, I was still trying to reason with him. Of course, I know there’s no reasoning with an addict. I wasn’t giving him the kind of help he was so clearly crying out for, which I regret with all my heart.

Leland, Duane Lee, Beth, and I left for Texas a few weeks after my last conversation with Tucker. We were headed there to shoot our show for three weeks. Tucker was left behind with no positive influence in our absence. Since he was no longer working at the T-shirt shop, I heard he’d found work with a local construction company. He continued seeing Monique, falling further into a bad place. In addition to the drinking and drugs, Tucker slid even further sideways by listening to his mother and girlfriend say nasty things about