Where the Red Fern Grows - Wilson Rawls [94]
I didn't feel like saying any prayers that night. I was hurting too much. Long after the rest of the family had gone to bed, I lay staring into the darkness, trying to think and not able to.
Some time in the night I got up, tiptoed to my window, and looked out at my doghouse. It looked so lonely and empty sitting there in the moonlight. I could see that the door was slightly ajar. I thought of the many times I had lain in my bed and listened to the squeaking of the door as my dogs went in and out. I didn't know I was crying until I felt the tears roll down my cheeks.
Mama must have heard me get up. She came in and put her arms around me. "Billy," she said, in a quavering voice, "you'll just have to stop this. You're going to make yourself sick and I don't think I can stand any more of it."
"I can't, Mama," I said. "It hurts so much, I just can't. I don't want you to feel bad just because I do."
"I can't help it, Billy," she said. "Come now and get back in bed. I'm afraid you'll catch cold."
After she had tucked me in, she sat on the bed for a while. As if she were talking to the darkness, I heard her say, "If only there were some way I could help-something I could do."
"No one can help, Mama," I said. "No one can bring my dogs back."
"I know," she said, as she got up to leave the room, "but there must be something-there just has to be."
After Mama had left the room, I buried my face in my pillow and cried myself to sleep.
The next morning I made another box. It was smaller than the first one. Each nail I drove in the rough pine boards caused the knot in my throat to get bigger and bigger.
My sisters came to help. They stood it for a while, then with tears streaming, they ran for the house.
I buried Little Ann by the side of Old Dan. I knew that was where she wanted to be. I also buried a part of my life along with my dog.
Remembering a sandstone ledge I had seen while prowling the woods, I went there. I picked out a nice stone and carried it back to the graves. Then, with painstaking care, I carved their names deep in its red surface.
As I stood looking at the two graves, I tried hard to understand some of the things my father had told me, but I couldn't-I was still hurting and still had that empty feeling.
I went to Mama and had a talk with her.
"Mama," I asked, "do you think God made a heaven for all good dogs?"
"Yes," she said, "I'm sure He did."
"Do you think He made a place for dogs to hunt? You know-just like we have here on our place-with mountains and sycamore trees, rivers and cornfields, and old rail fences? Do you think He did?"
"From what I've read in the Good Book, Billy," she said, "He put far more things up there than we have here. Yes, I'm sure He did."
I was thinking this over when Mama came up to me and started tucking my shirt in. "Do you feel better now?" she asked.
"It still hurts, Mama," I said, as I buried my face in her dress, "but I do feel a little better."
"I'm glad," she said, as she patted my head. "I don't like to see my little boy hurt like this."
XX
THE FOLLOWING SPRING WE LEFT THE OZAHKS. THE DAY WE
moved I thought everyone would be sad, but it was just the opposite. Mama seemed to be the happiest one of all. I could hear her laughing and joking with my sisters as they packed things. She had a glow in her eyes I had never seen before and it made me feel good.
I even noticed a change in Papa. He didn't have that whipped look on his face any more. He was in high spirits as we carried the furniture out to our wagon.
After the last item was stored in the wagon, Papa helped Mama to the spring seat and we were ready to go.
"Papa, would you mind waiting a few minutes?" I asked. "I'd like to say good-bye to my dogs."
"Sure," he said, smiling. "We have plenty of time. Go right ahead."
Nearing the graves, I saw something different. It looked like a wild bush had grown up and practically covered the two little mounds. It made me angry to think that an old bush would dare grow so close to the graves. I took out my knife, intending to cut it down.
When I walked up