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A: He got red, and he whined. He whined, “Shut up, you guys.” You know. He whined like somebody who didn’t want a beautiful experience spoiled by a bunch of jerks. “Come on, you guys,” he whined, “either get off the line or shut up. I want to hear.” And then somebody on the other end answered the telephone. It was Patty Lee Minot’s maid, and the long-distance operator asked her if it was such-and-such a number, and the maid said yes it was. So the operator said, “Here’s your number, sir,” and the janitor named Harry started talking to the maid. Harry was all tensed up. He was making a lot of funny faces into the telephone, as though he was trying to make up his mind about how to sound. “Could I speak to Miss Melody Arlene Pfitzer, please?” he said. “Miss Who?” said the maid. “Miss Melody Arlene Pfitzer,” said Harry. “Ain’t nobody here named Pfitzer,” said the maid. “This Patty Lee Minot’s number?” said Harry. “That’s right,” said the maid. “Melody Arlene Pfitzer—” said Harry, “that’s Patty Lee Minot’s real name.” “I wouldn’t know nothing about that,” said the maid.

Q: Who is Patty Lee Minot?

A: Don’t you know?

Q: I’m asking you for the record.

A: I just told you: she was the girl in the cellophane bathrobe in Verne’s magazine. She was the girl in the middle of Male Valor. I guess she is what you would call a glamorous celebrity. She’s in the girlie magazines all the time, and sometimes she’s on television, and one time I saw her in a movie with Bing Crosby.

Q: Continue.

A: You know what it said under her picture in the magazine?

Q: What?

A: “Woman Eternal for October.” That’s what it said.

Q: Go on about the telephone conversation.

A: Well, the janitor named Harry was kidding around with the maid about Patty Lee Minot’s real name. “Call her Melody Arlene Pfitzer sometime, and see what she says,” he said. “If it’s all the same to you,” said the maid, “I don’t believe I will.” And Harry said, “Put her on, would you please? Tell her it’s Harry K. Barker calling.” “She know you?” said the maid. “She will if she thinks about it a minute,” said Harry. “Where you know her from?” said the maid. “High school,” said Harry. “I don’t believe she’ll want to be bothered just now, on account of she’s got a TV show tonight,” said the maid. “She isn’t thinking much about high school just now,” she said. “I used to be married to her in high school,” Harry said. “You think that might make a difference?” And then Verne hit me on the arm.

Q: He hit you?

A: Yes.

Q: You’re claiming that he assaulted you before you assaulted him?

A: I suppose I could, couldn’t I? That’s an interesting idea. If I was to hire a shyster lawyer, I suppose that’s maybe what he’d claim. No—Verne didn’t assault me. He just hit me on the arm to get my attention, hit me hard enough to hurt, though. And then he practically smathered the picture of Patty Lee Minot all over my face.

Q: Smathered?

A: Practically smeared it all around.

Q: And what did the maid say on the telephone when she learned that Harry K. Barker had once been married to her employer?

A: She said, “Hold on.”

Q: I see.

A: And then, after she left the telephone, I said, “Hold on,” and Verne blew up.

Q: You made a little joke on the telephone, and Verne didn’t like it?

A: I just imitated the maid, and Verne went through the roof. He said, “All right, wise guy, shut your trap. I get to hear your heavenly voice all day long, every day, year in and year out. I am just about to hear the voice of Patty Lee Minot in person, and I’ll thank you kindly to keep your big yap shut. I’m paying for this call. This call is coming out of my hide. You’re welcome to listen, but kindly shut up.”

Q: Verne was paying for the call?

A: That’s right. The call was his idea. It all started when he showed Harry the picture of Patty Lee Minot in the magazine. Verne told Harry he’d pay a hundred dollars to kiss a doll baby like that, and Harry said it was funny he should say that. Harry told Verne he used to be married to her. Verne couldn’t believe it, so they bet twenty dollars on it,