Whispers in the Dark - Maya Banks [10]
But even as he thought of rescue and of going home, he wondered if he’d ever be the same Nathan Kelly again.
He didn’t feel like a man. He felt like an animal. Less than an animal. His mind didn’t even work the same as before. He was reduced to basic survival. He coped from one hour to the next, locked in hell.
As a soldier he lived with the reality that each day could be his last. Death wasn’t something he could afford to be in denial over. It wasn’t what happened to other people. It happened to his fellow soldiers on a daily basis.
And now he realized that there were some things worse than death. Death meant peace. It meant rest. It meant relief from unimaginable conditions. Even animals were afforded more dignity than he was. Sometimes simply enduring was worse than death.
He didn’t fear it. A part of him welcomed it.
He slid a hand over his bare chest and down to his gaunt belly. He could feel each rib. Dirt and blood covered his naked body, but he’d long since gotten over the outrage of being stripped of his clothing.
Imagine that you’re in a hot bath and that food surrounds you on all sides.
Startled by the soft intrusion, he laughed softly at the image she painted in his mind. Are you safe? Where are you now? Why do you think you’re in danger?
She was bone weary and pain beat relentlessly at her head. She was curled into a ball. On a bed? If she was in danger, she was extremely vulnerable. Had she locked the doors? Did she have means to defend herself?
It’s you we need to concern ourselves with, she murmured in a drowsy voice that hummed like sweet honey through his head. Tell me more now. I can’t…I can’t just call your brother up. It’s too risky for me. But I can send him a letter. Or…She huffed in frustration and closed her eyes as she tried to gather her senses. Her battle confused him. He had no idea how any of this was possible. I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.
Though there was fatigue and resignation bleeding from her, he sensed steely resolve. She was determined to help him.
You could email Van. He’s always on the computer. He’d see it right away. It was out before he even thought about what he was doing. He was giving out his brother’s email address to his imaginary friend. Then the rest of what she’d said caught up to him. Why is it risky for you? What kind of trouble are you in? My brothers could protect you. They’d be in your debt if you helped them find me.
I’m not safe. I’ll never be safe.
The soft words slipped through his mind. They were tinged with regret but said matter-of-factly. Whatever her situation, she absolutely believed that she was in danger. She accepted it without hesitation.
Think, Nathan. Think about where you could be. Where were you when you were captured? Were you transported far? Were you conscious at the time? There has to be something I can pass on to your brothers.
He sucked in his breath and tried to calm his thoughts. Every time he thought back to that day, his mind became a jumble of gunfire, explosions, mixed shouts. Some from his men, some from the enemy.
He and his team had pulled a recon. Nothing complicated. They weren’t expecting to be engaged. The area had been quiet. The hot zone was to the south. They’d split off from Joe’s team, one going farther north, Nathan and his team taking the immediate area.
Then all hell had broken loose.
It was hard to piece together that day. An explosion close to him had knocked him unconscious, and when he’d come to, he was bound and in the back of a shoddy-ass cargo truck. Three of his team members were there. One had died soon after. The other had died today. Only Swanny remained. Alive in hell with Nathan.
Grief overwhelmed him. Emotion knotted his throat. He’d kept his word, his pact with his team. They’d vowed not to be broken, not to cooperate no matter the cost. And now Taylor was dead.
His last words to Nathan had been, “Don’t do it, Kelly. Don’t you fucking do it.”
Nathan