Whispers in the Dark - Maya Banks [33]
He raised one arm, dragged a hand over his face and let out a disgusted sigh. “You’re going to think I’m nuts.”
She put one small hand on his shoulder. A simple touch. Still no response. And she waited. He liked that about her too. She didn’t lie and immediately deny that she wouldn’t think he was off his rocker.
“I was there. I mean I was thinking about death and the inevitability of death and wondered why I was fighting it. I told myself that I was fooling myself that I would ever see my family again. Why continue to be strong and endure when it was pointless?”
She let out a small sound of distress and leaned in closer.
“And then she spoke to me.”
Rachel tilted her head again. “Who did?”
“I don’t know,” he said. He wouldn’t say her name. She’d begged him not to tell anyone about her. He was breaking that promise here with Rachel, but he would at least not give her name. Even if she wasn’t real, it was important that he not betray her. “Maybe she was an angel. Maybe I imagined her. But she saved me.”
“Even after my memory grew so hazy with the drugs they gave me, I held on to Ethan. His name. His image. As time went on, I convinced myself he wasn’t real and that he was just my own personal warrior or angel. Take your pick. But he got me through my darkest days. I convinced myself that he would save me. Maybe it was all I had. It was either cling to that belief or just give up. I don’t think you’re crazy.”
“That’s not everything,” Nathan muttered. “We talked. I mean really talked. And the thing is…Boy, does this get crazier by the minute. The thing is, I couldn’t have imagined her because she emailed Van.”
Rachel pulled sharply away. “You mean the email he got telling him you were in Korengal Valley? The one telling him to talk to Joe?”
“That’s the one.”
Rachel pursed her lips and blew out her breath. “Okay, so when you say you talked to this woman, you mean like she was in the next cell? Or she was part of the group of people who kept you prisoner?”
It would be so easy to say yes. He should say yes and just forget this whole conversation. He’d refused to even discuss the email with his brothers. They were frustrated as hell because they wanted answers, but if they even brought it up, Nathan shut down.
“Nathan?” she prompted when the silence grew longer.
“Look, just forget it. It’s not important.”
She reached forward with surprising strength and pulled his hands toward her. She clasped them and stared up at him, her expression fierce.
“It is important. Talk to me, Nathan.”
He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “Thank you for listening, Rachel. Really. But this is something I’ve got to work out on my own.”
He saw the frustration in her eyes but also her understanding as he pulled away. Then she pushed forward and hugged him again.
“We love you, Nathan. We all do. Just remember that.”
The door to the patio opened and Ethan stepped out but then hesitated when he saw Nathan and Rachel.
“Hey, man, get your own woman. I should have known you’d be off sweet-talking mine.”
Nathan grinned and relaxed. This he could handle. Typical banter. He hadn’t realized how much he just wanted to revert back to old times where his brothers gave him shit instead of looking at him like he was a quarter off a full dollar.
But then he hadn’t helped in that area. If he wanted to be treated normally, he needed to stop putting up walls between him and his family.
“I can’t help if a pretty woman prefers my company,” Nathan drawled.
Ethan ambled forward and slid an arm around Rachel. “You two avoiding the family out here? I seem to remember Rachel slipping out here a time or two when things got overwhelming.”
“I was just