Whispers in the Dark - Maya Banks [79]
“How could you understand when I didn’t understand myself?” Nathan asked in a tired voice. “She left me when you came for me, that last time, when I knew I was finally going to get out alive. I went crazy because, for so long, she was all I had. She was the only hope I had. She was like this talisman for me and then she was gone. And then I began to wonder if she was real. Maybe I’d imagined her. But it always came back to those emails. The ones she sent Van. But then I had no idea how to find her, how to reach her, much less how to explain her to you. Everyone was already tiptoeing around me like they were afraid I’d lose my shit and start barking at the moon. And maybe I was. I just knew that I had to come to terms with what happened on my own. And then…”
He broke off, chanced another look in Shea’s direction.
“She’s a fucking miracle. My miracle. The day of Rusty’s graduation party, she spoke to me and she was so afraid. I knew those bastards had taken her then. Several nights before that, she’d tried to reach out to me, but she was drugged and all I felt was her confusion and disorientation, but I knew it was her, and I knew something was terribly wrong. But again, what could I do? I didn’t know where she was. I didn’t even know who she was. Just her name. I’ve never felt so goddamn helpless in my life. But then she called for me. She’d escaped and was running for her life. Those bastards tortured her. They drugged her and tortured her and there wasn’t a goddamn thing I could do about it. But I could get to her as fast as I could. I could do that much. And I could do everything in my power to protect her. So I did.
“Could I have asked for your help? Yeah, but then I would have had to explain everything. I would have had to combat your disbelief. We would have wasted time that Shea didn’t have while you decided whether to believe me or lock my ass up in some mental facility. By the time we came up with some damn plan and coordinated KGI and figured out who was going to do what, it would have been too late for Shea, and I wasn’t going to let that happen.”
Ethan’s lips tightened into a fine line. He understood. He understood all too well and Nathan knew it. He’d once been faced with the situation of having to go in and rescue his wife, and he of all people knew Nathan’s frustration and why he’d made the choices he did.
Swanny merely nodded. Didn’t offer words, just nodded his agreement.
Donovan sighed and ran a hand through his hair. “I get it, man. I do. I just wish you’d come to us from the start. It’s been killing us to see you this way and not know what if anything we could do to help. You’re my brother and you have to know there isn’t a damn thing I wouldn’t do for you. Whether you’re crazy or not.”
Nathan smiled. “I know. I do know that, Van. I know I could have done things differently, but at the time it was what I thought I needed to do. I hate that I hurt you and the rest of the family. But when I came back…I wasn’t the same man. I wasn’t sure I could ever be that man again.”
Donovan put a hand on Nathan’s shoulder and squeezed. “You haven’t changed. No matter what you might think, you haven’t changed. Not to your family. We love you and support you unconditionally.”
Then Donovan glanced over at Shea. “We’ve got a shitload of stuff to process. I’ve been in touch with Sam. Our first priority is safety. Our second priority is figuring out who we’re dealing with. I’m going to analyze the footage you uploaded and hope to hell it gives us something to work off of. Sam is also ringing Resnick’s bell to see what info he’ll cough up.”
Nathan nodded. “She goes nowhere without me. Just so you know. It’s not an option.”
Ethan snorted. “Hell, like we can’t figure that out? I’m tempted to call Ma and rat you out, but no one wants her on our asses right now. I’m more afraid of her than I am of a whole terrorist cell.”
Donovan didn’t look as convinced. “I get that you want to protect her, Nathan, but it’s entirely possible the safest option for