White Nights - Ann Cleeves [79]
I was nearly unfaithful with Jimmy Perez’s mother. I sat on a white beach at the North Haven on Fair Isle in midsummer and held her hand. Her lips were warm and tasted of salt. We told each other we were in love.
He caught his breath, thinking how close he had come to leaving Edith. He had almost thrown away what was now most dear to him.
I could have been Jimmy Perez’s stepfather.
He’d completely forgotten that summer, hadn’t thought about it for years, but now, because of the death of a stranger, Jimmy Perez had come into his life again and the memories had returned. He’d never told Edith about it. He wondered briefly if he should, but after all this time it had no importance. Why hurt her?
Now he was on the highest part of the hill, close to the cliff-edge. There was still no wind so the walking had been easy. But he felt a strain in his knee, a dull pain which came occasionally, and he was a little bit breathless. Five years ago he could have done the walk faster. He stopped to look back at his land and despite the familiarity he felt a pride in it.
The grass here was cropped very short by sheep and rabbits. In places there were rough piles of rock; he’d never known whether they were natural or the remains of some ancient people who’d had the land before him. He stood on the rocky bridge between the sea and the Pit o’ Biddista. The Pit was a great gouge out of the land all the way down to sea level. When they were children, Willy had told them a story about how it had been made. He said it had been formed by a giant who lost his heart to a Shetland lass. She’d been frightened of him, not realizing he only meant her well, and running way from him, she’d fallen over the cliff. In his grief and rage, the giant had scooped out a hole in the rock and flung the debris into the sea, where it formed the stacks that ran away from the coast. Kenny thought it looked more like the core had been taken out from a huge apple, but a lovesick giant made a better story for children. Willy had entertained generations of them with his stories.
It wasn’t a sheer drop into the Pit on all sides. The side nearest to the sea was all rock, an almost flat cliff, cut with ledges where the kittiwakes nested. But the landward side was grass all the way down, pink with thrift and crossed by rabbit tracks. At the bottom of the seaward side a tunnel ran out to the beach and with a very high tide the water was funnelled through it, churning and boiling with the pressure, spitting spray almost to the top. They’d played there when they were children, sliding down the grass slope to the bottom, so their pants were stained green and their knees covered with mud. But never at high water. Then they lay on their stomachs and peered into the hole below.
Looking down, he saw that a ewe had somehow managed to get almost to sea level. She was trapped on a ledge, too stupid to turn round and make her way back. Sometimes he thought sheep were the dumbest creatures in the world. Her fleece was thick and ragged, so heavy that it almost seemed to be falling off her back. She should be clipped with the others the next day.
He began to edge down the slope towards her. He’d try to get behind her and persuade her to scramble up. Although the grass was dry enough it was still greasy underfoot; he was glad of the texture of the thrift to give him grip. He felt suddenly, startlingly, very happy. The pain in his knee was forgotten, it was a fine summer evening and Edith would be home all weekend. And he could still climb down the Pit o’ Biddista as he had when he was a boy.
He circled round the back of the sheep, moving slowly so he shouldn’t scare her. He didn’t think he’d have any chance of bringing her up if she went any deeper. Then he was there, right behind her, standing on the same ledge, arms outstretched so she wouldn’t get past him.
‘Go on, girl. Up you go.’
All of a sudden she scrambled up, not following the tracks but taking the direct route to the top, floundering, her feet somehow