Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [107]
Think About What You've Been Saying
A lot of good-girl behavior is manifested in the way you speak or don't speak. If you've been talking a lot lately, it may be a sign that you're gushing, trying to please. If you've been talking very little, you may not be generating rule-breaking ideas, demonstrating your expertise, tooting your own horn, or asking for what you want.
Look at Things Through a Guy's Eyes
Though, as I've said over and over, I don't believe you should act like a man, some men are nonetheless extraordinarily gutsy and you should turn to them for their input. More than a few of the gutsy girls I know have told me that they often use men friends and mentors for guidance on all sorts of matters, including rehearsing dialogue for an important interview or confrontation. A friend of mine revealed to me lately that she gives all her important memos to a male friend to review before sending them and he invariably cuts out her first paragraph. “He's made me see that I have a tendency to present lots of unnecessary information when what I really should be doing is cutting to the chase,” she says.
When I suspect I'm ready to act like a good girl, I consult with my husband or my brother Jim, who is an investment banker in New York, and they steer me right.
Spend Some Time with a Little Gutsy Girl
When I started this book, I became hypersensitive about the way I treated my five-year-old daughter, Hayley, and on more than one occasion, I caught myself telling her, “Oh, that's a good girl.” I began “watching” the way I dealt with her and tried not to make statements that would reinforce the idea that she had to be the perfect little girl. I got so focused on my behavior toward her that it took me a while to realize that this gutsy little girl had a lot to teach me.
Though Hayley has already been exposed in the world to plenty of messages that indicate that boys are entitled to more than girls are, she hasn't yet taken them to heart. She's full of energy and courage and confidence.
One day she was standing next to me as I was looking through my then six-year-old son's closet. She pointed to a Batman rain slicker he used to wear. “Mom,” she said, “that slicker is too small for Hunter, isn't it?”
“Yeah, you're right. We should send it to Jeffrey,” I answered, referring to my nephew.
“Well, could I have it?” she asked.
Needless to say, I fell ashamed. There I was, fueling all the terrible stereotypes of boys as superheros, and girls as sideliners. But after I got done silently berating myself, I allowed myself to be inspired by Hayley.
She wore the slicker to school the next day, with a dress underneath. It was such a cool, hip look, and it was clear she didn't give a darn what anyone thought about her.
She's such an inspiration when I find the good gir ltaking over. She follows her instincts, loves taking risks, and always asks for what she wants.
And though I know my publisher wouldn't like this, I hope this book is totally obsolete by the time my daughter launches her career.
ARE YOU “GOOD” … OR GUTSY?
A Message from Kate White?
When you read the title of this book, you probably responded on a gut level to the words good girl. It's an expression we heard over and over as we were growing up. Every time we jumped in a puddle with our party shoes on or clobbered our little brother with his own weapon after he'd repeatedly tortured us, we were told, “Be a good girl,” or “Good girls don't do that.” And when we were “good,” we were rewarded.
Now that you're out in the real world, good-girlism may appear to be working nicely, too. But chances are you are beginning to detect flaws in this way of life. You may feel the stress and strain that comes from always trying to please, from constantly playing it safe, from being the one who never fails to get stuck with the dirty work.
Was your last raise what you felt you deserved? Are you considered a dynamo? Do you get the choice assignments? Do you feel recognized for your