Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [67]
“What am I going to do now?” I wailed. “I promise never to be so stupid again ”
“Fine,” he said. “I hope you learned from this. Now here's exactly what you have to do. Skip the lawyer. Make an appointment with the owner. Tell him you're extremely disappointed with the vagueness of the equity plan. You need him to get back to you with something far more specific.”
“Okay,” I said.
“But that's not all. Tell him that because you don't have a clear plan worked out yet, he has to give you something to tide you over. Tell him you want fifty thousand dollars in cash.”
“What?” I yelled. “Bob, Bob, Bob, you don't understand. This is publishing. Editors don't do this sort of thing. Besides, the company is cutting back. I'm sure he doesn't even have the money.”
“He's got it. Plus, he doesn't want to lose you.” He got off the phone telling me that if I didn't do it, I was a wimp.
The whole plan seemed ludicrous to me. Asking for a lump sum of cash—particularly during a recession—would make me feel like I was living out a scene from The Godfather.
But over the next few days, the more I thought about how I'd gotten the short end of the slick, the more I began to lean toward taking action. I didn't think I'd get the money, but asking would make me feel better.
I made the appointment. I wore a great suit. I explained to the owner how concerned I was that I didn't have a viable equity plan. He looked vaguely sympathetic. Then I announced that I would need something to compensate me for not having had a plan during my first year. I looked him right in the eye and said. “What seems fair is fifty thousand dollars.”
And you know what? He said okay. He said okay without flinching or squirming or looking irritated. In fact, he looked at me as if I were Barry Diller or Donald Trump.
Which brings me to Myth #2.
MYTH #2: ASKING CAN MAKE YOU APPEAR GREEDY, OBNOXIOUS, EVEN A LITTLE DESPERATE REALITY: BOSSES LIKE IT WHEN YOU ASK
Good girls also have an instinctive fear that asking will reflect badly on them. The message you probably heard again and again when you were growing up was, “Don't speak until you're spoken to.” You worry that if you ask your boss for something big, the first question he will ask himself is, “Who the hell does she think she is?” You may even suspect there's a certain pathos connected with asking for what you want. A good girl once told me, “When you have to ask, it's like having to beg.”
Forget all of that Asking not only reflects well on you, it makes your boss look good, too.
If your boss hasn't considered you hungry enough, this alters that perception. But it goes beyond that—you break yourself out of the role of someone who needs to be taken care of. “When you ask for something, you show respect for yourself and that heightens the listener's respect for you,” says Lapp.
When you ask, you also reinforce the boss's idea that he's created a vital atmosphere in which to work. I love it when my employees ask to have their roles expanded because it makes me feel that they love their jobs so much that they want more.
That said, you can seem obnoxious or greedy or pathetic when you ask for something. You have to learn to ask the right way.
A SMALL WORD OF WARNING BEFORE WE PROCEED: NEVER ASK SOMEONE YOU WORK WITH WHETHER OR NOT YOU SHOULD ASK
Good girls sometimes try to get a handle on whether it's safe to ask for something by sounding out friendly co-workers. This kind of reality check would seem to make sense: Another person can give you an objective appraisal of the situation or even offer information that you may not be privy to. But if you try to test the waters this way, I guarantee that your coworker will discourage you.
If the person you ask is a good girl, for instance, she'll find