Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [9]
THE GOOD GIRL GETS A JOB
By the time you enter the work force, you've had over twenty years of good-girl training—and you really know your stuff. With so much reinforcement, it makes perfect sense that you would follow the good-girl principles in your job—and at first glance, it actually seems to work. Because they may have a vested interest in keeping you in your place, some bosses and most of your co-workers will praise you for your good behavior. You'll be complimented for following the rules, being patient, doing the lion's share of work, and not taking any stupid risks. I just loved the line that the New York Times wrote in a short bio of Justice Ruth Ginsburg after the approval of her nomination to the Supreme Court: “She handled her intelligence gracefully—sharing her schoolwork, avoiding the first-person singular and talking often of having been in the right place at the right time.” It was as if the Times was saying, ”See? It pays to be a good girl. Women should put everybody else ahead of themselves and attribute all of their success to luck.”
But despite what the “evidence” appears to indicate, the kind of good-girl behavior that won you praise at home and A's in school ultimately won't advance your career. Why not? Because the standards have changed.
“There are no daily quizzes in the world of work.” say the Sadkers. “This is where boys learn the value of having developed that public voice, the one girls are discouraged from using in school.”
Career success isn't about learning the textbook answers to questions and repeating them back on a test. It's about generating fresh, creative ideas that make people go “Wow.” It's not about waiting to be called on. It's about asking for what you want. It's not about making everyone like you. It's about getting things done effectively even if you have to ruffle some feathers—or kick some butt.
That's not to say that being a good girl will prevent you from earning any points in your job. As a good girl you might make a reliable manager—because you take care of your charges, follow rules, and work your tail off. But that's never going to make you a star.
Okay, sometimes the gods smile down on good girls and reward them for their hard work. But for the most part, good-girl traits will sabotage your chances for gaining a key leadership position.
Robin Dee Post is a clinical psychologist in Denver who has worked with many career women in therapy and believes there are two distinct ways women sometimes sabotage their success, and also create unnecessary stress for themselves.
The first involves relationships at work—how we respond to bosses, co-workers, and subordinates.
“Because we've been trained to be nice and always think of others, it makes it harder for us to put our own needs first in the work place,” Post says. “As a result we have trouble confronting others when we have a problem with them. This same factor also makes us reluctant to let others know of our accomplishments.”
The second way involves putting excessive demands on ourselves—due perhaps to excessively high demands or criticism when we were growing up. That, Post believes, leads to perfectionism, procrastination, and an overcommitment to work.
HOW MUCH OF A GOOD GIRL ARE YOU?
By now you may feel that you already have an idea of your own specific good-girl patterns, but trust me, it's trickier than you might expect. Sometimes, when you think you're performing at your best, the good girl in you is actually busy undermining your efforts. Here's a lesson from my own life.
It happened the summer I was thirty-one, working as the articles editor at Family Weekly magazine, which was a Sunday newspaper supplement similar to Parade and was later purchased by USA Today. My job appeared to be pretty stable, until, that is, the day the editor-in-chief unexpectedly resigned to become editor of GQ magazine. I'd just put the finishing touches on plans for a three-week adventure cruise around northern