Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [93]
3. Use the Gutsy-Girl Pause
One of the best ways to get a read on people is to talk to them, to ask them questions. But you have to be patient. The first thing out of their mouths is often the party line or a lot of patter. You need to wait, say nothing, and hear what they say next.
Psychotherapist Marjorie Lapp explains that when you pause, you give someone the opportunity to think over what they've just said and they may begin to elaborate or modify.
4.And While You're Pausing, “Watch” What They Say
Sometimes people don't know how to tell you what's going on with them. And so you have to watch them. This is something that Rosalyn Clement, a dynamic property manager for Compass Management and Leasing in Sacramento, trained herself to do. In her field, if you neglect to pick up on any discontent, you may be in for major problems: Your tenant can up and leave. She's learned to be a careful observer. “Sometimes I'll be sitting with a client and someone younger on my staff will be babbling away and I realize that's probably what I used to do. But I now know to watch. If someone is leaning back, arms crossed, eyes glazed over, I know he hasn't told me what's really the matter.”
I wrote lots of articles about body language when I was in my twenties, in part because I was so fascinated by it. I warned to learn what each and every movement meant. What was the message behind a nose twitch? Did crossed arms and legs really mean someone was inaccessible? But what I discovered from one of the researchers I interviewed. Dr. Alan Mazur of Syracuse University, was that it doesn't have to be that complicated. You can understand it without having to learn a particular “language.”
“If you simply pay attention, you'll know something is going on,” says Mazur. “As human beings we're built to read the body signals of one another.” Mazur explains there are really just two areas you need to observe: a person's stress level, which manifests itself in behavior like fidgeting, and a person's affiliative behavior—whether or not he seems to be trying to connect with you with smiles and body “openness.”
5. Develop Validators for Your Gut Reactions
Houston political consultant Sue Walden, president of Walden and Associates, whose clients have included Sen. Kay Hutchison, says that though a big part of politics is looking at numbers, when it comes to the players in the game, you have to trust your gut. For her, one of the most helpful tools has been networking. “I'm always networking.” Walden says, “and when I do I'm a sponge for information. It's when I'm networking that I often pick up the information that validates what my gut has been telling me.”
TRUST YOUR GUT—BUT DON'T ADMIT IT
Unless you're in a fairly high-ranking position, do not say you arrived at a decision because of “intuition” or a “gut feeling.” Only the most creative bosses will appreciate such a skill. It's generally better to have people assume you have fantastic resources and a brilliantly analytical mind.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
Strategy #9: A Gutsy Girl Takes Smart Risks
If you asked me to describe the biggest risk I've taken in my career, I wouldn't have to think for a second. It was accepting the job of editor-in-chief of Working Woman when I was seven and a half months’ pregnant.
Why, you might ask, would a woman in her right mind accept a challenging new job when she was less than two months from delivering a baby? Granted, it was wonderful proof that there was at least one enlightened man in the world—the one who hired me. But if you look beyond the small step for the betterment of working women, what you're left with is the fact that there is only so much one woman can do in twenty-four hours. How could I have invited that much stress into my life?
Well, the truth is that when