Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [95]
Good girls feel uncomfortable with risk taking, but is it any wonder?
From the moment girls are born, their parents may attempt to protect them from the world. According to pyschologist Dr. Allana Elovson, research shows that when baby girls start to crawl, they are more likely than boys to be discouraged from being daring in their explorations.
In school, girls may feel inhibited about risk taking. According to the Sadkers, boys are allowed more exploratory behavior, the kind that teaches you that there is treasure to be found in uncharted territory. Boys, say the Sadkers, are asked to demonstrate in science class three out of four times. They're more likely to be asked questions that call for thought, rather than simply a black or white answer. Teachers also wait longer for them to answer, which encourages them to mentally play with ideas. Many girls grow up encouraged to believe that it's better to be safe than sorry, that getting their dresses dirty is the worst sin in the world.
There may be something else hindering you from making bold moves. A study in the mid-eighties reported that taking risks and possibly failing was stressful for many women because they viewed themselves as operating in a “glass house.” If you're the only woman at your level in a company or one of the few in your area, the risks you take—and the failures you experience as an inevitable by-product of some of your risk taking—are going to be far more scrutinized. Your risk taking may be less tolerated or less indulged than that of the guy sitting across the hall.
THE LITTLE SECRET TO BEING FEARLESS
Now, I'd like to be able to say that I have five pointers that will make you one of the world's gutsiest risk takers starting tomorrow. Unfortunately, that's not the case. According to Dr. farley, how big a risk taker you are depends to a large degree on your biological makeup. Some people have a genetic factor that enables them—actually compels them—to take big risks, to go way beyond the status quo. He calls them Type T (thrill-seeking) personalities. Its the Type Ts who shape the world because they are the great experimenters, the people who go up the mountain, across the ocean, into the jungle. It's not only nearly impossible to squelch this type of personality, its also impossible to develop it if you weren't born with the right genes. At the other end of the spectrum are what Dr. Farley calls little is, people who get nervous just driving to the next town.
Don t get discouraged. Though you can't turn yourself into a major risk taker, if you fall somewhere in the middle ground between Big Ts and little is, you can improve your comfort level with taking risks and your ability to handle them. Whereas it's hard to squelch a Big T, people in the middle zone can have their risk-taking instincts flattened by the experiences they have in their families and in school. If you stood up and challenged the math theorem, only to be shot down by the teacher, you were probably gun shy the next time you had an adventurous thought. Dr. Farley says, however, that even as an adult, you can find your way back to some of your natural instincts.
The secret is to practice. “When you take a risk, it's very reinforcing,” says Farley. “There's a sense of exhilaration, empowerment, that feeling of ‘I did it.’” In other words, if you're a good girl who hasn't tried much risk taking, put your toe in the water Once you get over the jolt and experience the refreshing feel of it, you're going to start thinking about getting your thighs wet, too.
THE RIGHT WAY TO TAKE A RISK
Of course, that wonderful sense of exhilaration and empowerment won't happen if you lake risks and repeatedly land hard on your derrière. That only reinforces your instincts to play it safe. What you need before you take any risk is a four-point plan of protection:
1. Give a Risk a Different Name
Even if you commit to going forward on a project that holds plenty of risks, if you remain anxious about it, that anxiety will turn you into an unfortunate expert on late-night infomercials