Why Good Girls Don't Get Ahead_. But Gutsy Girls Do - Kate White [99]
WHAT TO DO WHEN YOU FEEL IN OVER YOUR HEAD
Sometimes, no matter how prepared you are for a risk, you can end up feeling as if you've ended up with more than you bargained for. This is most likely to happen in a brand-new job. You're experienced, you're skilled, you're game, but the challenge is just, well, bigger and harder than you ever anticipated.
When a good girl finds herself in this kind of situation, she starts thinking in very drastic terms, like I'm in over my head, or, I've bitten off more than I can chew. Men, on the other hand, don't think of drowning or choking. Rather they view a tough new job as a stretch. Right now it's out of their grasp, but if they just reach a little farther, try a little harder, it soon can be theirs. Perhaps this way of thinking comes from years of listening to beer commercials stressing that you must grab for all the gusto you can get.
The fastest way to get over the sinking-fast feeling is to accelerate your learning curve. Critical information will not only help you make smart decisions and cope with what is coming your way, but the activity of information gathering has a way of distracting you from any terror at hand. However, that said, you don't want to look like you're scrambling. A couple of my favorite techniques for information gathering that don't make you look desperate: Ask questions of people as if you were soliciting their opinion rather than feeling needy for help. (“What do you think are the most critical issues facing the department right now?”.) or ask them to do the information gathering for you as part of a special project.
When I got to Working Woman, I had plenty to learn, but I certainly wasn't going to reveal my ignorance by asking questions like “Could someone please tell me what the hell the phrase ‘pancake management’ means?” What I did was have editors hand in special reports for me on a variety of topics. For instance, I asked for a list and critique of the best career writers in the country, theoretically so I could pick one as a columnist, but it also served as a manual for me, taking me up to speed on everything of importance being said on the subject.
HOW TO KEEP THE WOLVES AT BAY
No matter how much self-assurance you've demonstrated in a risky situation, particularly a new job, you may look up one day to see the wolves circling. I think that when you're in a new position it's best to do as much one-on-one work as possible and avoid group settings. People are less receptive and enthusiastic in a pack situation, because they're watching everyone else. They also can get mean.
The first time I had a job that involved managing seven or eight people, the woman I was replacing, who had accepted a new position at the magazine, kept recommending to me that I organize a “Get-to-know-Kate” breakfast for everybody who would be reporting to me. Absolutely nothing about the idea appealed to me, and yet I knew that I was going to annoy this woman if I didn't do as she suggested.
It still makes me cringe to think of that morning. There I sat next to a coffee urn the size of a silo and a platter of blueberry muffins, with seven women who looked like they would rather be anywhere else, even the International House of Pancakes, than sitting in a circle with me. No matter how inclusive I was trying to be in my talk, there was a them-versus-me feeling. Besides, I wasn't sounding very smart. I would have been much more effective and demonstrated far more clout if I'd met with people one at a time, to talk to them about my plans and ask them about