Why We Suck_ A Feel Good Guide to Staying Fat, Loud, Lazy and Stupid - Denis Leary [87]
No.
We are not changing we are not more emotionally available and we are more than willing to work side by side with you and get paid the same IF you can do the job.
Do you think any race car driver on the IndyCar circuit is in the least bit worried about Danica Patrick's recent win leading to a flock of ladies in flame-retardant pleather jumpsuits taking over their sport?
No.
Danica may eventually be joined by one or three or five more girls but the numbers will stop somewhere shortly after that because:
a. Most women do not know how to merge. And let's face it, if merging at thirty or forty miles an hour freaks you out or makes you even the slightest bit panicky, merging at two hundred and thirty miles an hour while bouncing off other automobiles and fighting for the lead spot just ain't gonna fly. My wife screams and slams on the brakes if a squirrel dashes out in front of her car. It takes her twelve minutes of deep breathing to get past a four-second episode of that-the first six minutes of which involve searching the rear and sideview mirrors to see if the rat with a tail might still be alive. Dale Earnhardt Jr. suddenly swerving in front of her on a banked oily curve? Two words: pulmonary embolism.
b. Talking while driving might seem like a keen attraction to females considering getting behind a race car wheel, but once they find out that all the chatter on the headset is limited to tire updates, fuel tank leaks and loud angry screaming? Not so much. They'd rather go back to forty-five in the fast lane while discussing bikini wax jobs and Barack Obama's teeth on the hands-free.
c. The raw DNA facts I mentioned in the prologue of this book.
Science has proven that women of child-bearing age have an actual biological resistance to taking any extreme risks-Elizabeth Berkley star-ring in Showgirls notwithstanding.
Annika Sorenstam worked out like a maniac and put on ten extra pounds of muscle before trying to challenge Tiger Woods and the top male golfers in the world to a fair-play championship round of golf a few years back and what happened? She hit it long, she hit it hard, she landed on each and every green with a chance to birdie or par and then-she three- 1 putted. Or four-putted. Or five-putted. She pitter-putted her way right out of the tournament and then cried at the sight of the first microphone that popped into her face because she is-in fact-a woman.
She could compete until the pressure got high, and putting on a PGA green? With thousands of people surrounding you and tens of millions watching on TV? It doesn't get much higher than that. It's what men like to call the "Eek! A mouse!" factor. Women react differently to certain things than men do. Mice, blood, gunfire-you name it. My wife is deathly afraid of mice. Me? Bats. Not baseball bats-the ones that fly. They don't make me cry or shriek. No time for that. Too busy fleeing.
Crying, of course, is the chief complaint men have about women in the workplace. Just ask Hillary Clinton. She was way behind in the New Hampshire Presidential Primary-until she cried. Then she gained a bunch of Empathy Points. Mostly from other woman. Not to mention Guilty Husbands Of Empathetic Women-who also voted for her because they were afraid their wives would shut down sexual access if they didn't. Don't laugh-I know at least three guys who voted for Hillary based on that actual situation. Shocking? Not really. I'm only surprised Hillary didn't bawl her way through the remaining forty-eight states. As a matter of fact, if she had changed her campaign motto from Blah Blah Something Change to Vote For Me Or Your Wife Won't Fuck You she would have had the election wrapped up at sunset on Super Tuesday. As Tip O'Neill once said-all politics is local. And for men, it doesn't get much more local than your crotch.
Which reminds me-every woman I have ever known seems to be utterly in an information blackout when it comes time for their period to arrive. They get bloated and angry and snippy and terse and if you ask them if they might