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But the real killer is the price you have to pay for a flexible work arrangement. Because these programs are by definition special, anyone who participates in a flexible work arrangement has to worry about suspicion from their boss (“They aren’t working regular hours so how do I know I’m getting a full workload out of them?” “On the days they’re not here how do I know they’re even working?”) and envy from their coworkers.

Have you ever heard anyone in your office praise the work ethic or the accomplishments of a coworker on a flexible schedule? Aren’t you more likely to hear doubts about their commitment or digs about their availability or even open resentment that they get to do whatever they want?

We’re back to the idea that “perception is reality.” At companies around the world people opt out of flexible work arrangements for fear of committing career suicide. Some managers will even come right out and say that working under those kinds of arrangements is not the way to advance. And even if management is supportive, your coworkers often aren’t. Even when you’re at a relatively progressive company or a younger company, if you’re working in a nontraditional manner you still have to prove yourself just that little bit more. People feel obligated to report their progress to justify their absence. Because at any time the old norms could snap them back into their place. Who needs the hassle?

The reason for this is that even though flexible work arrangements might seem to give people control, your work is still evaluated based on the old rules of work.

And what do those rules say?

People who aren’t in the office and therefore physically available all the time aren’t really working.

People who work from home aren’t really working because work takes place in an office.

People who work from home are taking advantage of the company by watching Oprah and eating cake and ice cream while lounging in a hammock and not working.

Ultimately, people who telecommute or work four-day weeks can’t be trusted because they’re not in the office, where they can be seen working. (Or, as we’ve discussed, looking like they’re working.)

The issue here is trust. People just want to be trusted to do their work. They want to be trusted as adults in the workplace, adults who will do their jobs. Everyone knows what trust feels like and flexible work arrangements are not about trust.

We trust you! (But during our busy season we may ask you to come into the office on Fridays so everyone’s here to do their job.)

We trust you! (But let’s check back in six months to make sure this new arrangement is working out for everyone.)

We trust you! (But we don’t trust Bob. Programs like this are only for director-level employees and higher.)

This is what we call the Flexibility Con Game and it makes people miserable. Because the only thing worse than complete mistrust is mistrust masquerading as trust. It’s draining and demoralizing for employees to have to listen to management pretend to trust them while behaving as if they don’t. Nothing makes you feel more out of control than to be given the illusion of control, while underneath it’s just demands, demands, demands. As opposed to being a way to make work suck less, flexible work arrangements actually reinforce the status quo. In fact, flextime can make life suck more.

Let’s go back to Addie and say that somehow she overcomes her boss’s objections and the hidden rules and secret codes behind the company’s flextime program. Now what is her life like? In some ways she finds that she is more aware of time and more aware of the need to show her face to make sure people know she’s working. Instead of freedom and flexibility there is now an extra layer of misery to her job. She hears things like this from her team and manager:

“We’re not going to loop you into the decision-making on this project. It’s too critical and since you’re not here every day we