Wild Ginger - Anchee Min [29]
The sound of the drums shook the city. After the parade crossed Liberation Boulevard, I could see the riverfront. Behind me the drum buses were followed by accordion bands, the red-flag holders, and the sunflower dancers.
"Split the lines and yield to the side!" came the general party secretary's order, which was passed down through an electrical amplifier. "Let the heroine through!"
"Welcome home! The biggest welcome!" the crowd cheered.
To my excitement, a green jeep led by three motorcycles appeared.
Wild Ginger stood in the open jeep waving at the crowd. Next to her were four armed soldiers. She was in a full new army outfit with a red-star cap on her head. She was shining and gloriously beautiful.
Could she see me? Did she know that I was playing her? I clapped my hands so hard that my palms began to hurt. It didn't feel real. It felt like a dream.
Her new house was ordered to be completed the day before her return. Her favorite Mao quotations were copied onto the walls by the best calligrapher in the country. The roof edges were laid with ceramic tiles of sunflowers. The house stood out like a glistening castle among bleak rocks.
Would she miss her mother in the new house?
12
She was ahead of me. We had been apart for only a month but she seemed to have grown much taller than I. Her sunlit eyes were brighter than ever. She stood in a new pair of green army boots. We chatted endlessly, walking from her house to my house and then back to hers. Finally, we settled ourselves under the fig tree and carried the conversation into the night.
"You won't believe it, Maple. I am troubled." Her tune suddenly changed.
"Sure, you can't stand your luck."
"Seriously, I need your advice."
"Tell me, is it the frostbite that's bothering you?"
"Something terribly wrong has come between me and Evergreen."
"The last thing I knew about you two was you showed him your soap-paper collection and he showed you the wooden ship."
"That's exactly when it happened."
"What? What happened?"
"It's ... how shall I put it ... unhealthy."
"Unhealthy?"
"We were in my house."
"Yes?"
"No one was around."
"Yes?"
"You are sixteen."
"And he is eighteen. What are you afraid of?"
"Well," she sighed in frustration, "you don't understand."
"Well, talk to me."
"I don't know."
"You think I am an idiot."
"It's confusing."
"Did ... did he...?" I didn't want to think in that direction.
"No, of course not. How could we ... we are both Maoists!"
"Then what's the problem?"
"It's ... me. I wanted to ... I ... well, it's awful, bizarre and fantastic at the same time."
"What did you do?"
"Nothing."
"So?"
"It's happening inside, in my head, everything changed from that moment on."
"I'm getting it."
"After we showed each other the collection and ran out of things to say, it was odd. We suddenly became awkward. He said that he must get going but he didn't move. I said goodbye, but my heart prayed for him to ask me to stay."
"Why didn't you talk about Chairman Mao? You love to talk about Chairman Mao."
"I was out of myself. I was not the same person I knew."
"I see."
"My eyes were eating him up. It was ... as if I were seduced. I could feel it coming, trying to pull me down to the water."
"What about him?"
"He stared at me like a criminal who heard his death sentence."
"What time was it?"
"I don't remember. It was getting dark. I was kind of afraid of myself. I felt I was going crazy. Because I wanted—"
"What?"
"I wanted him ... I wanted to have his lips on my mouth."
I stared at her.
"Shocking, isn't it?" she asked after seeing that I wouldn't or couldn't respond. "It was dreadful. Almost helpless. I couldn't stop myself. I knew it was not right. I am a Maoist. A model for the youth. I have promised the party and myself to be pure. But here I was, throwing my honor away, committing myself to a temptation."
"I envy you."
"Maple, what kind of nonsense are you uttering?"
"Our bodies are going to do what's natural."
Her expression changed. "Please stop it. You talk like a reactionary."