Wild Ginger - Anchee Min [40]
"Evergreen, the truth is"—she took a gasp of air—"that I am not burning any less. We have to learn to conquer our weakness. Together we must help each other."
"Wild Ginger, you must not ignore the fact that I don't take being a Maoist as the mission of my life."
"That's not correct, Evergreen. All you need to win is a strong will."
Losing all patience, he shouted, "I despise your will! Your preaching reminds me of those who bound the feet of their girls and castrated their boys!"
"What did I do? What harm have I caused you?" she asked tearfully.
"I can't go on with you." He let her go and turned his face away.
"You've disappointed me." Her tone was cold.
He tried to stay composed but his emotion betrayed him. His facial muscles began to twitch.
She stood up. Her lips moved as if trying to say something. But no sound came out.
He got up, walked toward her.
She stepped back.
He began to open his shirt, button by button.
"What ... what are you doing?" Her syllables slurred.
He gave no answer but unfastened his belt.
Before she turned away, he stepped out of his pants.
"Animal!" She shut her eyes.
He was erect.
"Traitor! Coward!" she shouted.
He jumped on her and pushed her down under his knees.
She struggled, trying to push him away.
He began to rip off her clothes. Her Mao jacket was pulled open.
Inside the closet, I became short of breath. What should I do? Do I jump out to help?
His hands went to explore her body.
She fought fiercely. But she didn't call my name. I was waiting.
She scratched the skin on his neck.
Finally she got a chance and bit his right shoulder.
He groaned. As if inflamed by the pain he was determined to take her.
They rolled on the floor. They were about eight yards away from me. Wild Ginger was pressed down on her back. He was on top of her. His nose was pointing directly at me.
She screamed.
I cracked open the closet door—my subconscious had taken the scream as a signal to act.
He raised his eyes and suddenly he saw me.
I froze.
We were eye to eye. Evergreen and I.
I couldn't move.
He withdrew.
She sat up, not noticing that Evergreen and I had discovered each other.
He sat himself on the floor like a balloon leaking air.
She buttoned up her clothes and started to fix her hair.
Evergreen got up and put his clothes back on. He went to the water jar and poured himself a bowl of water.
Wild Ginger went to the bathroom behind the wall.
I carefully closed the closet door.
Evergreen sat by the kitchen table. He picked up the Mao book and glanced in my direction.
I stood frozen in place. I wanted to come out, but was afraid that Wild Ginger would be upset. As I pondered what to do next, Wild Ginger reappeared.
"Maybe we can figure out a way to solve this problem," she said. "Chairman Mao teaches us, 'There is no problem that is unsolvable by a true revolutionary.'"
Evergreen put down the Mao book and folded his arms in front of his chest.
"I am here for you, Evergreen, I care about you. It's just ... I can't have ... Well, to put it flat and straight ... I can't commit to a relationship with you. It is not easy for me to be where I am. You must understand that. I have decided to live up to Chairman Mao's expectations."
"You sound like the Ching dynasty empress dowager. You need me to be your eunuch in chief."
"It's unkind of you to say that," she said painfully. "You know that I want to make you happy."
Evergreen laughed bitterly. "By torturing me?"
"I'll do anything for you except make love to you."
Evergreen stood up.
"Wait!" she cried. "I ... I don't mind if you ... play with yourself."
It took him a moment to understand what she meant. He sat back down and turned in my direction. As if suddenly reaching a decision, he seemed