Without a Word_ How a Boy's Unspoken Love Changed Everything - Jill Kelly [49]
Robert dressed up as Larry the Cucumber from Veggie-Tales and HB was supposed to be Bob the Tomato. How in the world was I supposed to make a tomato costume? Now that I’m thinking about it, I guess Hunter could have worn all red—his favorite color–but what fun is that? I think he was a great Spider-Man. I’m amazed that he tolerated the mask over his face, but he did. What a resilient little boy.
Jim was so sad the other day, and even though he didn’t cry, I think he wanted to. He was talking about our nephew Zac, who’s playing Little League football right now, and how he wishes Hunter could do the same. I often forget about his pain. Forgive me, Lord, and help me to see beyond my own anguish so that maybe somehow I can comfort Jim, even when I don’t feel like it.
Please mend our broken hearts. We’re sad that Hunter will never be able to fulfill all the hopes and dreams we once had for him. He’ll never throw a touchdown pass to his cousin or storm the end zone for his team. He will do, and is accomplishing, so much more, I know, but these are the desires of a daddy’s heart, and it’s excruciating. Please, Lord, I haven’t asked You in a while but it’s heavy on my heart. Can You feel the weight of my heart pressing You to heal Hunter? Please heal him. Please heal all of us. Help us to never lose hope and forgive us for the times when we doubt You and all You can do. Help us to trust and believe that You have the better plan… always.
November 22, 2004—Hunter, here I go again. I know how much you love when Grammie and Mommy read these to you, so here’s more for your precious little ears to hear and for your heart to receive.
I Love…
… when you, Erin, and Camryn snuggle up and watch a movie together.
… when you watch old football games with your daddy.
… when it’s just you and me.
… how you endure.
… that you remind me to be tough whenever I don’t feel so good.
… that you radiate God’s glory.
… that I see Jesus in you.
… to hear the bubbles from your oxygen tank.
… when you have paint under your nails, because that’s a sign that you did a fun art project. You’re an artist. Mommy treasures all of your special creations.
… when Grammie sings to you in the Jacuzzi—especially when she sings “Soldier Boy.” She’s crazy about you, and you know it.
… when you lay across my lap and we just stare at each other.
… that your birthday is on Valentine’s Day, your daddy’s birthday and my favorite holiday—thanks, God.
… that people I don’t even know write me letters to tell me how special you are. That’s so cool.
… when people come up to me and tell me that they named their baby boy Hunter because of you. Isn’t that great? People think you’re something else, little buddy.
… that because of you, we formed the Hunter’s Hope Foundation and lots of children’s lives are being saved as a result of the amazing work God is doing there.
… that life is better because of you.
I love you, Hunter James Kelly.
I promise I’ll write more, you cute little pumpkin boy.
Hunter loved it when my mother and I read my journals to him. Most of what I wrote was for me, for the sole purpose of reminding me of every single reason I loved Hunter as much as I did. I wanted to make sure not one of his qualities, expressions, or attributes was ever forgotten—regardless of how small they seemed at the time.
Initially, sharing my Hunter journals with Hunter never crossed my mind. My mother started reading them to him during the night, and he enjoyed them so much that she eventually made a video for him. The video was a collage of photos with soft background music and my mother doing the voice-over, reading my journal entries.
Our homemade videos were very unique. Because Hunter spent a lot of time lying sideways during chest therapy (which he had to have every four hours around the