Without remorse - Tom Clancy [202]
Kelly grunted. On such events the fates of nations tatted. 'Could have been worse - it could have let go at altitude and you woulda realty been in the shitter.'
'True. Miserable fuckin' reason for a child to die, isn't it?' Irvin paused, gazing into the darkness of the piney woods as men of his profession did, always looking and listening. 'I understand why you did it. I wanted you to know. Probably woulda done the same myself. Maybe not as good as you, but sure as hell, I would have tried, and I wouldn't have let that motherfucker live, orders or no orders.'
'Thanks, Guns,' Kelly said quietly, dropping back into Navyspeak. .
'It's Song Tay, isn't it?' Irvin observed next, knowing that he'd get his answer now.
'Something close to that, yes. They should be telling you soon.'
'You have to tell me more, Mr Clark. I have Marines to worry about.'
'The site is set up just right, perfect match. Hey, I'm going in, too, remember?'
'Keep talking,' Irvin ordered gently.
'I helped plan the insertion. With the right people, we can do it. Those are good boys you have in there. I won't say it's easy or any dumb shit like that, but it's not all that hard. I've done harder. So have you. The training is going right. It looks pretty good to me, really.'
'You sure it's worth it?'
That was a question with meaning so deep that few would have understood it. Irvin had done two combat tours, and though Kelly hadn't seen his official 'salad bar' of decorations, he was clearly a man who had circled the block many times. Now Irvin was watching what might well be the destruction of his Marine Corps. Men were dying for hills that were given back as soon as they were taken and the casualties cleared, then to return in six months to repeat the exercise. There was just something in the professional soldier that hated repetition. Although training was just that - they had 'assaulted' the site numerous times - the reality of war was supposed to be one battle for one place. In that way a man could tell what progress was. Before looking forward to a new objective, you could look back to see how far you had come and measure your chance for success by what you had learned before. But the third time you watched men die for the same piece of ground, then you knew. You just knew how things were going to end. Their country was still sending men to that place, asking them to risk their lives for dirt already watered in American blood. The truth was that Irvin would not have voluntarily gone back for a third combat tour. It wasn't a question of courage or dedication or love of country. It was that he knew his life was too valuable to be risked for nothing. Sworn to defend his country, he had a right to ask for something in return - a real mission to fight for, not an abstraction, something real. And yet Irvin felt guilt, felt that he had broken faith, had betrayed the motto of The Corps, Semper Fidelis: Always Faithful. The guilt had compelled him to volunteer for one last mission despite his doubts and questions. Like a man whose beloved wife has slept with another man, Irvin could not stop loving, could not stop caring, and he would accept to himself the guilt unacknowledged by those who had earned it.
'Guns, I can't tell you this, but I will anyway. The place we're hitting, it's a prison camp, like you think, okay?'
Irvin nodded. 'More to it. There has to be.'
'It's not a regular camp. The men there, they're all dead, Guns.' Kelly crushed the beer can. 'I've seen the photos. One guy we identified for sure, Air Force colonel, the NVA said he was killed, and so we think these guys, they'll never come home unless we go get 'em. I don't want to go back either, man. I'm scared, okay? Oh, yeah, I'm good, I'm real good at this stuff. Good training, maybe I have a knack for it.' Kelly shrugged, not wanting to say the next