Wolf in the Shadows - Marcia Muller [11]
I was silent, my emotions in a turmoil. On the one hand, I was appalled at the prospect of a desk job, but on the other, I wondered what was wrong with me. Substantial salary increase, profit sharing—the American dream. So why did I feel so confused and resistant?
“Sharon,” Pam said, her delicate features strained, “you may not think so now, but you’d make a terrific administrator. You could turn the new research department into the mainstay of the corporation.”
Research department. Such a dry sound. Research was an activity carried on in musty archives: slow, methodical, analytical—and boring.
I shook my head in confusion, fighting off a sense of betrayal and trying to imagine the scenario they’d presented me. Supervising a larger staff of investigators, even relatively untrained ones, would be easy. I’d hire bright people, teach them what they needed to know. Even dealing with the paralegals would pose no real problem; during my tenure at All Souls I’d read a fair amount of law and picked up even more informally. What I couldn’t envision was me behind a desk forty hours a week.
I said, “I still think it’s a mistake to combine the two activities.”
Mike replied somewhat tartly, “It’s not up to you to critique our organizational chart.”
“But she might have a point,” Larry said thoughtfully. “We should at least hear her out.”
“Larry, the matter’s already settled.”
“But, Mike, she’s saying exactly what we expected she would.”
“Of course she is—and you know why, given where she’s coming from.”
Quickly Hank held up a hand. “Let’s not argue.”
“Just where am I coming from?”
Hank made a dismissing motion. “I don’t think we need to get into—”
Pam’s voice cut through his words. “We’ve always been up front here. We might as well get into it.”
“Get into what?” I demanded.
Hank sighed heavily. “I asked you to meet with me beforehand. But no, you couldn’t be bothered. Too busy. Off working a case.”
“Which is precisely the problem,” Gloria added.
I faced her. “The problem?”
“Yes, problem.” She nodded emphatically, long curls bobbing. “You’re a good investigator, Sharon. But you lack discipline. The Benedict case is a good example.”
The Benedict case was the one I’d just wrapped up. “What about it?”
“Did you receive authorization to work on it?”
“Not initially. Hank was on vacation—”
“Did you request it from anyone else?”
“I’ve always reported to Hank. And when he came back, he gave me the go-ahead.”
“Only after you were in over your head.”
“Jack requested—”
“He had no right, and both of you knew it. It was Jack’s personal crusade, and by giving in to him, you neglected your other duties.”
Mike added, “That’s not an isolated instance, either. That business up at Tufa Lake is another.”
Outraged, I turned to Hank. “You loaned me out on the case. The California Coalition for Environmental Preservation reimbursed the firm for my time.”
Mike said, “He only loaned you because Anne-Marie’s his wife and their chief counsel and she requested you. He didn’t go through channels, get approval from the rest of us. This new organizational plan will prevent abuses like that.”
Surprisingly, Hank nodded. “Mike’s right—I admit it. We’ve talked—and fought—this through at our meetings. Back when All Souls was a small cooperative, I could bend the rules, but as it grew I just kept doing that, to our detriment. We all have to learn to adapt.”
His words rendered me speechless. His words, and the truth of them.
After a moment Gloria moved her hands together in a gesture that apologized for the dissension. Mike leaned forward, elbows on knees, soft eyes begging for understanding. Larry looked hangdog, Pam hopeful. Hank reached over and squeezed my hand.
These people are not out to get you, I told myself. They’re good people, dedicated people, and they have the best interests of the co-op at heart. But, damn, they’re asking too much!
Hank said, “So what do you think, Shar?”
I remained silent.