Writing That Works, 3e_ How to Communicate Effectively in Business - Kenneth Roman [58]
DONALDSON, LUFKIN & JENRETTE, INC. New York, N.Y.
1997 Associate, Investment Banking Division
[List of responsibilities and accomplishments]
1994-1997 Analyst, Investment Banking Division
[List of responsibilities and accomplishments]
PERSONAL
Alumni Fund-raising Agent for Amherst Class of 1994.
Youth soccer coach.
Enjoy travel, black Labradors, wine, basketball, soccer and scuba.
Traveled extensively in Spain and Italy. Learning harmonica.
*Resume can also be résume (one accent) or résumé (two accents), depending on which dictionary you consult. Since the accent keys in word processing programs can be a nuisance to activate (and few typewriters have such keys), resume is common usage in business correspondence.
12 Editing Yourself
Never send out the first draft of anything important. Good writers consider editing an essential part of the writing process, not just a final perfectionist polishing. The great songwriter Jerome Kern struggled to perfect his wonderfully smooth melodies; his collaborator Oscar Hammerstein II described the process: “Smoothness is achieved only by scraping off roughness. None of his melodies was born smooth.”
Nothing you write will be born smooth either. Edit to scrape off roughness. Edit to:
Shorten
Sharpen and clarify
Simplify
Check for accuracy and precision
Improve order and logic
Make sure nothing is left out
Review tone
Improve appearance
Examine everything from the reader’s point of view
The first rule: If it isn’t essential, cut it out. Go through your draft once asking only this question: What can I get rid of? Cut unnecessary words, phrases, sentences, paragraphs. Mark Twain said that writers should strike out every third word on principle: “You have no idea what vigor it adds to style.”
Twain’s advice works especially well in e-mail — your message pops. Before you hit Send, try Delete.
The first time we wrote the above paragraph — before editing, it was more than twice as long (and not as communicative).
Go through your draft a second time with these questions in mind:
1. Are you mumbling?
In putting together a rough draft, it speeds things up to get something down, even if it only approximates what you want to say. But never settle for a rough approximation in your final draft. Have you chosen the verbs and adjectives that express your meaning precisely? Could you be less abstract and more down-to-earth? Scrutinize every important thought.
2. Have you got things in the best order?
This point originally came later in the chapter. In editing, we decided it was second in importance — and closely related to the point that follows.
Good writers shift things around a lot. This used to be a laborious business calling for scissors and Scotch tape and a lot of patience. With Cut and Paste in word processing you can take your work apart and reassemble it in seconds.
Many good writers print out a hard copy of each draft, to make it easy to compare a revised version against an earlier one. It is not unusual to decide that some of your shifts of order aren’t improvements after all.
3. Are there any holes in your argument?
Put yourself in your reader’s shoes. Does everything follow logically? Don’t expect your reader to leap from point to point like a goat on a rocky hillside. Make sure your trail is clear, smooth, and well marked.
4. Are your facts right?
Check all statistics and statements of fact. A single bad error can undermine your reader’s confidence in your paper. In particular, check quotations. “I quote a lot,” says an erudite author. “I always check, even when I am in no doubt. And I am always wrong.”
5. Is the tone right?
Too stiff? Too chummy? Lacking in sympathy? Rude? Again put yourself in your reader’s place and change anything you, as a reader, might find offensive.
From First Draft to Second: An Example
Here are five instances, taken from a single paper, of how editing shortened, sharpened, and clarified what the writer was trying to say:
First draft Scond